A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently met the most incredible man. Which is generally how I begin these questions, but this time, it's different! He's everything I've wanted, we have so much open communicating and all we do is laugh and we really understand each other. The catch is, we have been dating for less than two weeks. But since we are older and we know what we want, we've decided to be together. Recently I met his closest friends who are like family to him and they live together. I am going home for Christmas in a week for 3 weeks, and on our last weekend together, he has made plans for us to hang out with his friends twice together. The Friday, for drinks, and on Sunday, for an activity. I had agreed to Sunday, and Friday drinks just came up. I said yes, why not, and while texting, he said he missed me so much and can't wait to see me, that his stomach is in knots thinking of me, and I said, you know what, I'd much rather have him all to myself on Friday instead of drinks...but we can go out as well. He said, Saturday will be our night what do you think? He will be working on Saturday, so it will only be the evening. Now I am not trying to be demanding and needy, but to be fair, we have only been seeing each other for less than 2 weeks, though we have had 5 substantial dates and have enjoyed every second of that time, and communicate all the time. I know he is a very social person, and these friends mean everything to him, but I would also like some alone time since I am leaving very soon. My friends have said that he is just wanting to show me off, or/and that it's great he's trying to integrate me to the most important people in his life that i'm at the same place at. I don't want to feel like a diva and I don't know how to articulate this to him, does anything understand my point of view? It's like, you live with them, you can't be alone with me for 2 nights? I'm leaving for 3 weeks and it's our last weekend together. How do i phrase that nicely?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): I understand where you are coming from and see your point, with you leaving and all. With that said, here is where it gets unreasonable, imo: you've known him less than two weeks. In my experience, the first few months of my relationships are full of social interactions before we get alone time and become intimate. Putting aside your alone time, and socializing will actually strengthen your relationship. You don't want to be that girl who his friends don't like because you are "taking him away from them" do you? I personally hate those couples who fall off the map just because they are in a relationship. It's important for you to build a relationship with his friends. Because, I hate to break it to you, but if they start finding flaws in you (and at this point, they WILL view you breaking plans to be alone as a flaw), he is going to start finding flaws in you, too. You don't want that do you? I'm telling you, it's too soon for you to be making that sort of request and its going to backfire on you. It's too soon to be isolating the two of you from your social outlets. You don't see it that way but they most certainly will. Go hang with his friends, develop a friendship with all of them and gain their trust. That way in the future they will be a lot more forgiving and understanding when you hold your boyfriend hostage for a weekend all to yourselfIf you want that sort of relationship where you spend all weekend in bed together, I suggest you ease into it. He already made plans with both you and his friends on Friday. I think you'd be jumping the gun if you change the plans.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually - he made plans with me and then he added his friends in. Anyway he has apologized to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionagain - perhaps the title was misleading - it's more so my comfort level. He feels super comfortable with me and wants me to be part of his life and for me, although I am really happy, this is new for me. It has been 2 years since my last relationship, it's not that I want him all to myself but I want to get to know him more first, before spending time with his friends together? Is that weird?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): If as you say you see yourselves staying together then you will have him all to yourself for a lifetime.
Partners come and go but friends are forever. If he cancelled plans with friends every time he dated someone a few times he wouldn't have friends.
You're not going forever and you will have time to yourselves soon enough. Besides you were alone on your dates so it's not like he never spends time alone with you.
Go out with his friends and have fun. You don't want to look like that partner that gets all worked up when he wants to see his friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not so much that I want him to myself, actually I explained myself to him, and we are all good now, of course that was after some pissed off ness where he said I was jumping the gun and making assumptions, but I explained that, we are still trying to get to know each other, it has been last than 2 weeks!!!! I am still getting used to getting to know and would like to get to know him first, than spending time with people. He said that he felt too comfortable and forgets that we haven't been together for forever, and just wanted me to love his friend and his friend to love me. For me, it's just about being comfortable, I know he is really comfortable with me, and yes, I know he is smitten with me, but for myself, I am still getting comfortable, and so just because he thinks we have been together for years, I don't feel the same, because in reality it has only be 5 dates! Does that make sense?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2014):
 I would not ask for this or push it. The guy is CLEARLY smitten with you and has INCLUDED you with his circle of friends. HE wants YOU to be around them and them around you. I don't think it's "just" about showing you off. I think it's about showing you that YOU ARE a part of his life.
You will be gone for 3 weeks for Christmas, the plans for the week-end are already made, so WHY not ask to plan a week-end for JUST the two of you when you get back?
I think it's WAY too soon to make the " I want you all to myself" demands after less then 2 week, no matter you age. It makes you seem controlling and (sorry) a little self-centered.
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