A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I seem to wear the pants in my relationship and don't know how we got to this point. I am a feminine woman for the most part and don't think that I'm aggressive unless someone is really ticking me off. My live in boyfriend says I've changed into a mean person but I feel I have take charge because he refuses to. People walk over him at times and this has hindered him careerwise and in personal relationships. He doesn't seem to plan for anything in future near or far, and he expects me to happily continue waiting in suspended animation for him to make a move in our relationship.Thinking back to the beginning of our relationship, our first date was actually just sitting down at a local pond on one of the benches talking. I don't remember going out to dinner or anything. It was my first date and I liked him so I didn't care or understand some of the rules or guidelines for dating. I also remember that I was the one putting a rose or a card on his car thinking it was a nice gesture. Yes, that now seems totally weird to be giving a flower to a young man but I did it 2 or 3 times but later stopped. Part of me hoped he would return the gesture but it wasn't to be. Several years later, I have yet to receive even a love letter or flowers or an engagement ring and we live together. I did notice that over the years, even now, that some people seem to be just as confused about our relationship and have had more than a couple of people ask me how long I've been his roomate. He says that he would like to make money in business before we get married and sometimes he does, other times he doesn't make money. I know that he's not seeing anyone else, my problem is that he doesn't attempt to make me feel special.Some of my (I) have to take charge ways because he won't include: warning him a month in advance that the transmission was going out on his truck, something I only know because I had 2 go out on me. When things have gone wrong around the house, I've been the one to fix minor things such as a termite attack or stopping a minor leak. As far as these things, if I didn't know, I asked for help realizing that small things usually grow into costly larger ones. He just ignored them after telling me he didn't know what to do.I am a computer fanatic and do lots of things online. He uses me to do things for him saying he needs to send an email when in reality his hands never touch the keyboard. I post pictures on Facebook for him, send emails, faxes, letters, etc. I buy groceries, pay bills on time, and buy various things needed to keep the household running smoothly and he never volunteers or takes initiative to do anything. I work, cook, and clean, and he does nothing. I never get any romantic interludes, I love you's may get me a quick peck on the lips or cheek. We don't have sex. Sometimes people try to take advantage of him and I'm the one to stand up to them. He tries to take the nice route which often earns him even more disrespect because the (constant stream of) buttheads hadn't been called out and figured they could continue with their behavior.Women make advances on him and while he's wasting time trying to be "polite" I cut to the chase. Many of these women are groupies because they've heard of him or simply aggressive even if I'm standing there and either of us tell her he's taken. I love and care about him but am immensely frustrated. We go out to a meal and he is constantly texting while I feel ignored. Sometimes he wants me to drive because he simply wants to use the phone. I end up driving more often than he does and so I end up feeling less like the "lady" and more like the man, even when he is so called taking me out to a meal or movie.Now he says that I'm a mean woman and that he doesn't want to be with a mean woman who reminds him of his mother. Yeah the same mother who was horrific to him but he still seems to have a soft spot for. He calls and/or visits her everyday of the week. She has funneled money to him recently probably from guilt of her horrific parenting, but nonetheless, ALL of his family members used him since he was a teen well into adulthood for free babysitting. He has never had any children of his own, nor have I. In fact, we spent MANY nights watching various children of his cousins' instead of going out and enjoying ourselves. He now sees that we both were taken advantage of but nobody's apologizing for that to me, including him. The free sitter service is now stopped but he still can't make me a priority, that's really all I'd like. Even just once in a while.I've never dated anyone else and I don't know how or why things are like this. This has been going on for several years. Is there any way to reverse the "roles" or how do I quit him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Sound to me that you are just roommates. If you don't have sex and there is absolutely no romance in your relationship, than what exactly makes you a couple? Plus, you do all the housework while he does nothing! Come on, you deserve so much better than that.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 so you want him to change his entire personality? if he is similar age to you (30 something) this is not likely to happen. talk to him, then see what happens. but really instead of wanting him to change to fit what you want him to be you may have to accept that you are just with the wrong guy.
he sounds a nice guy but if he was any more 'laid back' he'd be horizontal! i would be irritated by someone like this too but to be honest i don't see that its a bad enough reason to break up with him
x
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