A
female
age
36-40,
*ate12
writes:My boyfriend is a football coach in an academy he works 6 days a week which includes every weekend. Is it unreasonable for me to want him to have a Saturday off for my aunt and uncles 40th wedding anniversary so he can meet my extended family? He's saying he will have to work is it unreasonable for me to get funny about this?
View related questions:
anniversary, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You are wanting him to take a day off of work for this anniversary but it seems to me that this is more as a test to see if he is very keen on you and pleasing you, than because of the anniversary celebration itself. I am quite sure your aunt and uncle would not be at all upset if he did not come, he is not important to them and they have guests there that are. You are asking him to go because you want him to prove that you matter to him and you are angry because he is putting work before making you happy. You also want to show him off to everyone and he is taking the opportunity of doing this away from you. But there is another point you have forgotten. Usually a partner decides if and when they want to meet the other person's family. Your boyfriend should be able to decide if and when he is ready to do this and under what circumstances. To meet all of them together at a party could be rather full on for him. He may well prefer to meet just one or two at a time and under different circumstances. So why not step back and look at it from his point of view. And remember the old saying that if you love someone you set them free. If they return they are yours. Allow your boyfriend to decide if and when he moves up a notch with your relationship because if you nag him into it or bully him into it you will lose him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 July 2014):
 It is not unreasonable as in " whoah, you are looney -bin crazy ! ", and it is not unreasonable that you feel disappointed, but he is not unreasonable either. I can perfectly see his point.
He would have to take time off work, - so he won't be able to ask it if in future he needs it for other personal priorities, he would have to probably annoy his boss and bother the colleagues who would be subbing for him, he would, I guess, have to pay out of hs pocket if his contract does not allows for personal days. Maybe for that day there 's something important programmed, maybe he is just a good teacher that does not like to let his students down unless STRICTLY necessary- anyway, it's a big fuss , over what ?...
Your Aunt and Uncle 's 40th wedding anniversary ?...
I would understand ( and HE would, I guess ) if it was your PARENTS' anniversary. Or, if it was an actual WEDDING in your family, like your sister's or something.
But, ... generally speaking, an Aunt's 40th wedding anniversary really does not qualify as a big deal enough for a bf to take time of work- particularly in a teaching position. And / or in a job whose whole point is working weekends.
Now, I understand that if yours is a close knit family, who likes to have big reunions and celebrations, you won't see it this way ( and there's nothing wrong with that ). Because for you personally it IS a big deal. But you have to understand that other people may legitimately NOT see it this way . Work is serious stuff- and family is serious too, but, extended family ?!... so, if you've got 6 or 7 aunts and uncles and 20 / 25 cousins, your bf is supposed to live his work life / precious free time around your relatives ' committments ?...
...............................
|
