A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. We've had a few amazing dates and ended up fooling around just a little (no actual sex though). I really like him and we have so much in common, we're so compatible and look great together. The problem is that I still see him on that site every day and I know he's talking to other women. I'm not sure if he is dating them or not but it really hurts me regardless. I don't want to sound conceited but I am much prettier than the others and much more interesting. How can I make him stop talking to others and make me his girlfriend? He isn't that confident in himself and I try to give him compliments but I'm thinking maybe I should stop and act more aloof towards him? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 Needy and desperate.
It's only been a few weeks and he certainly isn't in any hurry. I don't know why you are.
If you're as pretty as you claim to be and men are as predictable as you seem to think then you should have tons of other options. Then you'd really have something in common with this guy.
You're expecting way too much, way too quickly.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 December 2013):
 His "message" is in his behaviour. That message is, that he isn't sufficiently taken by you such that he will "make you" his girlfriend. What's wrong with that? The only discrepancy in this is YOUR wanting him to make YOU his G/F. What for, for crying out loud? He isn't interested enough to do that. Soooo, even if you COULD get him to say, "OK, you're my girlfriend now." What good would that do?????
P.S. The decision of whose girlfriend you should be is YOUR decision..... not some guy's....
Good luck....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): What era are you living in, OP?
I mean in 2013 if a woman wants something she really only has to ask.
I mean you clearly don't buy into equality or anything like that seeing as you're pretty much waiting for this guy to make you his property and becoming subservient to his wishes. Your idea of getting what you want is to play some passive aggressive game and then hope your manipulation works.
I mean whoa, you're so much prettier and interesting than any other girl, what's his problem?
Again you have no clue how we work if you think it works like that. He may not find you as pretty or interesting as someone else because it's all down to taste, OP. Maybe he finds you boring but eager and easy. (I'm not implying anything)
For example I find nothing hot about Miley Cyrus and I think Lily Allen is the most attractive pop star at the moment, others would disagree completely. Taste. Your view of yourself is irrelevant to a guy's view of you, but this air of entitlement that comes from your post is a tad off putting.
I'm not attacking you, please don't take it personally I'm just making a point. You're going about this the wrong way and making it more difficult than it has to be.
One simple sentence: "How would you feel about dating more exclusively?"
It's too early to make this an official relationship but there's no harm in telling him you'd like to start seeing each other exclusively.
Just out of interest, OP, why have you not considered that an option?
"we're so compatible and look great together." Seriously, OP? You look great together? I fail to see how that matters he's not a handbag OP. How you will look in your FB profile picture if you get together is the least of your concerns and if you think you can gauge compatibility after a few weeks then you're wrong.
OP forgive me but I get a total "rich Cali-girl" vibe from your post and you come across as a little stalkerish too. Checking his dating profile every day, have a bit of a deluded fantasy thing going on and a bit of desperation that you may lose out on a guy who you really don't know and is probably shagging other women.
Relax, he's just a guy, he may be great, he may be an asshole but he's certainly not going to be yours if you can't speak up. Time to come back down to earth OP and simplify this. No games, just tell him what you'd like and honestly don't I know I said no games but don't say the things you have here. Don't gush over how amazing he is, don't start pouring your heart out about falling for him and definitely don't tell him how amazing you think you are in terms of looks.
Just be real (as you Americans like to say) with this guy and see what happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2013):
 YOU just met him a "few" weeks ago. Hold your horses, girl.
YOU might not want to date more then one person at a time and that is fine, but I can't see how you can tell him, to not talk to anyone else now. Because YOU have decided you like him enough to be exclusive, but that doesn't mean HE has made the same decisions.
YOU chose to "fool" around FULL WELL knowing that you aren't a couple yet. YOU are both still testing out the waters.
Instead of keeping an eye out what HE is doing on the dating site, do things with friends. And chill. If you go out on more dates with him, make them in PUBLIC and you CAN suggest that you would like to be exclusive and BF/GF. But if I were you I would just try and relax and enjoy the dates.
Also, if he doesn't work out, I would actually put it in your profiles that YOU are NOT interested in dating more then one guy at a time and you are not interested in guy who date multiple people either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 You cant really STOP him from communicating with others on this dating site and he's looking for his Mrs Right.
You two are not officially an item yet and shy or not if he really liked you he would have taken this relationship with you a bit more seriously.
If I was you I would just stop with the compliments and let him do his thing. If he likes you he will come back to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Sorry to say it but the relationship has gone too far too soon.
People can date more than one person at a time (I wouldn't recommend it.)
Some people tend to keep their options open, there could be a small chance he's been fooling around with others as well.
Looks don't govern everything.
...............................
|
