A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Got to go back in time a bit first. 14 months ago I lost my mum and a few weeks later I met a lovely man, who was just what I needed. We loved each other, my family liked him and I got on with his family and friends. We spent lots of time together in my house, went away for weekends, in general had a smashing year. One of the things I loved about him what how close he was to his sister and his mother who was in a home with Alzheimers. From the first, he knew that I had decided to move out to Cyprus and he decided very early on to come with me, told his friends and family, put his house on the market, started divorce proceedings against his estranged wife. Since last year we have made plans to move abroad and I finally moved out here 2 months ago. He came out for Christmas and New Year and after the first couple of days, went strangely quiet and thoughtful. He told me when he went back he decided he didn't like what he saw here. He told me he hadn't realised he didn't want to come out here until he saw his mother's face when he visited her after he got back. I have always known it would be difficult to leave his elderly mum and disabled sister who struggles on visiting her every day. They are an extremely close family and I have to admit I wouldn't have been able to leave my own mother behind. He seemed a bit snappy when he was here with me and I seemed to get him down a bit. He said everyone was pushing to get him out here, what are you doing for a job? where are you going to live? etc etc when actually he hasn't even been able to sell his house in the UK. He said he felt he was being pushed into moving but that he couldn't ever live with himself if he was abroad and anything happened to his mum. I believe all this, as I can put myself in his position. I think he decided very early on that, he decided if he wanted me, he was going to have to move here but you know, actually the case is different and that if he had said at any time last year "let's hang fire for a year or two" I would have done just that. I am going back to the UK this weekend to see if I can resolve the relationship because he thinks we can't go back to being as we were and that the "spark seemed to have gone out" when he was here with me, even though it seemed to be there right up to two days into his holiday. I am wondering if he associates me with the life he doesn't want in Cyprus I am prepared to move back to the UK for him. He says no, that my dream is to be here in Cyprus. Actually my priorities have changed over this past year and my dream is to be with him anywhere he wants to be. I am hoping to change things around and will be seeing him on Sunday, but don't really have much idea of how to play it.Can I say that at no time before he arrived here did he give me any indication that he had changed his mind. He was, everytime I spoke to him, 100% sure he wanted to do this, but I think seeing his mum and his sister deteriorating in health recently has made him think again. I am prepared to go back and make a life with him there but he doesn't seem to think we can be as we were before.Can you give me some advice what sort of stance to take when I am with him? I may only get the one chance and I want him to understand that I only want to be with him, and not here in Cyprus without him.Thanks.K
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reader, Serenity1  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 first i just want to ask do you trust him?...because im thinking that the thought of him leaving his mom and sister had to cross his mind in the beginning when the thought of moving surfaced.im wondering does he still deal with his wife? or another woman? moreover i don't mean to be negative but these are the things that come to mind when i read your story...then you said he was snappy when he came over the holiday...i don't know what's going on with him...but it's just hard to believe after all the time you two have spent together that he would all of sudden have a change of heart and knows that you just relocated...i'll just say this prepare you're self for the worse...when you tell him it's all about him and that you are willing to move back if you have to, don't be suprised if he encourages you to stay where you are for whatever reason...who knows why he's pushing away...he may not be seeing anyone else but just needs some time to his self...to sort his on thoughts and goals...but i tell you one thing i wouldn't be willing to let him play with my feelings and emotions in the process...
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