A
female
age
41-50,
*upids arrow
writes:Hi,I had been in a relationship for 5 years previously, anyway it was over and within a couple of weeks i started to date someone new, who i knew of, but did not know well!We both fell in love with each other and i thought everything was going really well, but whilst we were going out i did talk about my ex and perhaps sometimes in too much detail, the fact is i was not in love with him nor did i miss him, but my boyfriend started to get wound up about my ex, he told me how he felt in a few emails, but not to the extent that he would later. My weakness is my big mouth, and i do go on and i can be annoying, i just dont know when to stop! He told me i am the one and we dated for 6 months when on that final day,he said he just needed time out and that something didn't feel right. I didn't know what was happening at the time, but anyway that was the last day that we were an "official item" this was a year ago, we still carried on seeing each other in secret with communication everyday, but he was not referred to as my boyfriend, he kept saying he needed to forget about things i had said about my ex and that he does not trust me emotionally as i hurt him so much, but he does not want to lose me and hopefully time will sort things out and he could not go out with me whilst he feels as jealous as he does!! well..a year on, i have nearly everyday, been asking if we will be together one day again and telling how much i miss him and love him, but now he says i pushed it too far, he does not want a relationship this year with me and all i have done is nag him, i have done this because i do not want to lose him and i love him so much.I should have taken time out from my previous relationship, but i didn't and now i feel like i have lost the love of my life and i am hopelessly crazy in love with him.Fact is men should not say they want space, but then continue to want to meet up, communicate and kiss me, its conflicting information and no wonder i went on about a relationship, because that is what i wanted with him all along!women get attached more with physical things, men can somehow detach themselves, i do not know how!He says he cannot promise me anything and he is still not ready, but that it is me or no one,also it takes him years to get over things, i could be waiting forever,,i do not know, but it hurts deeply, we share same friends and still do see each other in a social setting. i have been advised to just let him go and see if he comes back, i just want answers from him,,and things that he cannot give me right now,,i want him to miss me, but i think all he will think of is me as being this whiny girl and that will turn him off, time takes so long and each day i live in hope that things will change. i would love us to work out, hes great!! and he has no reason to not trust me as i would not do a thing to risk losing him again, i dont believe it when people say they do not want a relationship as deep down,when the hurt fades and you forget, i guess like giving birth, people try again!can you advise on what i can do??
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fell in love, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): You have to learn to respect his wishes. Give him some space and time. Stop thinking about what you want and try not to concentate on him as much. Divert your attention to other things and hopefully he will be missing you.
In closing, remember the words of Joshua Liebman:
"Tolerance is the positive and cordial effort to understand another's beliefs, practices, and habits without necessarily sharing or accepting them".
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