A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidIs there is anyone out there who can feel my pain and confusion?I hope someone understand my problem and help me for real I feel like sinking in the bottom of the ocean and need a hand to drag me out.-----------------------I am 25 years old girl who suffered a great deal of pain in my life If i told you the things I seen or been through you will not believe that there is a human being can live through all of that in young age.I had a bad life, no love exist in my world.. I grew up tough and seen so many people leave or die including my 1st love he died in-front of my eyes and I can not explain how much I loved him or how much scars deeply printed in me his loss caused.That was 5 years ago, I moved countries to be able to move on and be able to just feel alive and I settled down knowing and believing that I will never be able to love again simply because I am drained out of emotions.. I am a left over of what was a human being.. Through the years I learned to adapt and slowly slowly I was back to life but as a different person the things i lived changed me completely. I became workaholic, I erased something called emotion from my dictionary. and I did a pretty good job freezing my self in this state of mind.-----Just 4 months ago I became friends with this guy who I as usual did not think of him as anything other than a friend (and all friends are replaceable) but I don't know how he manage to keep me interested for long time I usually get fed up of people and change my friends like my clothes (before I get hurt it is a self defense mechanism I learned-to stay safe means not to develop any human attachments) plz understand me I got hurt so many times by people who supposed to love me (rape-beating up-u name it it happened to me) This guy made me sort of happy I wanted to keep his friendship specially that I knew he is in love with his ex-still which leaves no space for me to develop any unwanted feelings for him but I don't know how I started spending all my time with him, everyone we know told me that we act like a couple and as soon as i heard that I became aware of how he treats me, looks at me etc and I knew he likes me but like is different than love so I ignored that and just went back to enjoying my time with him til couple of weeks ago when he was supposed to stay in my house for the night and we had sex and it was weird .. not weird bad no no weird like unexpected and I am not talking about the sex is good or not no their was this other thing the way we kissed ow hugged or how we fell a sleep cuddling each other.. After this night I could no longer ignore my self or try to convince my self that what happened was just a random thing that can happen and I became very sad as I felt how much I liked him and it scared me.. the next day we did not talk about what happened but we tried to be normal ( I tried he was normal) and for a whole week we were staying together either in my place or his, it was truly nice and it felt so good but here comes this me that cant stand feeling week again played in my head... this is what my thoughts are likeHow stupid and idiotic you are, you want to hurt your self again, he clearly loved his ex so why leave your stupidity let this happen you are stupid stupid and he will hurt you, He will not love you enough to make you forgot your pain, even if he loved you would he give you the love you need would he understand how week i am from the inside? would he not be another one of them (the ones who hurt-ed me badly ! and my thoughts go on and on in an endless circle.So couple of days ago I told him i gna see him less to be able to see my other friends !!!!!!he said ha ha ha I wouldn't let you , you cant come in my life and decide to leave me when ever you like !!!!!!I tried to see him less but I couldn't I really miss him so I saw him and I felt weird ... like If he loved me that moment so much I will never leave, I felt like I can give up my fears for him but he was cold, he was very friendly and I dont want him to be my friend anymore I want him to love me.. I of course after that decided I wont see him again so I send him a message telling him I dont want to see him anymore and that I want him to leave me alone that was yesterday and he did not text me or call me or nothing.. normally he text me all the time from the moment he wakes up to the moment he go to sleep he text me when IU am at work and when I am not with him ALL the time... since I told him I dont want to see him anymore he did not send me one little tiny message and I am so hurt..I want him and I dont want him..I dont know what to do?P.s he is a Scorpio and I am a Pisces if you know characters treats or if it by anyway matter !!Now this is it I cant stop thinking and I dont know If I was right or wrong... May be I am right because really he will end up hurting me or maybe I am wrong he did not do me wrong in anyway !!I dont know.. I only know I am feeling like a wreck
View related questions:
at work, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cherryberrytrapeze  +, writes (7 February 2012):
I fancy that you might be feeling a little confused and as you have described, a train wreck. I should tell you though - no matter what you go through in life, you shouldn't stop yourself from caring about people/letting them in because eventually it will never make you happy.You never know what could genuinely make you feel complete, and generally as an optimistic person I would say you need to think about letting people into your life. No matter what you go through, someone out there will be in a worse place than you are (trust me on this one) and sometimes you just have to get hurt in order to learn and just LIVE. Don't do the whole "casual sex as friends" thing because THAT is going to hurt you more in the long run since you're beginning to get feelings for him, but do talk to him about how you feel and discuss your relationship properly. I personally am a Pisces and as you know we are dreamy and passionate people - there is a fine line between friendship and love for people like us, and as a result we get confused easily.Keep calm and remember that you have to learn to love in order to live. Being hurt is part and parcel of growing up, and I wish you all the best. :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Well you seem to have done a very good job of convincing yourself that it would all go wrong when from what you say it was going very well. If he wanted to be with his ex instead of you he would have done so.He has taken you at your word. You said you didn't want to see him any more so he has respected your wishes. And now you are hurt.You seem very confused. Maybe you should ask to meet him to explain this and maybe how your past impacts on now, and take it from there. And see what he says and does. What have you got to lose.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): consider that if this is the beginning of a relationship it will be much more enjoyable and satisfying for both of you if it is honest.
tell him about your fears and explain to him what it is that makes you hesitate to become more emotionally involved.
best wishes
...............................
|
