A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:quick q, we're both 22. i've told the girl i love her, i've known her for years and now seemed like a great time to tell her,she's said she doesn't want a bf at the mo, she still wants to have fun and a laugh with her mates when shes out, get drunk, pull blokes etc without worrying bout a man.but then she said, ''don't worry, i might get tired of chasing blokes as soon as this weekend, who knows?''what i want more than anything in the world is to be with her, exclusively. ive told her that and she just cried and said that it was beautiful. I've made her cry on other occasions by telling her that i want to marry a girl that loves me and have a couple of kids, nice house etc.i don't want to move on from her, as i've loved her for years, but i don't know how long she'll take to want to settle down. she has told me what she wants from life though, and it matches what i want, and she's said that if she didn't want to go clubbing each weekend she would be with me as my girl.she texts me like 10 times a day, flirting, but i see now that she's stringing me along.should i just stick her with an ultimatum?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 June 2008):
I'd say yes, she is leading you on - but I don't think she means to, she is just being nice and flirting because she likes you and texting because you are a close friend and will give her lots of attention whenever she wants it. She has told you that she does not want a boyfriend right now though, so you know you are being led on, and are choosing to follow.
You have put her in a bit of an awkward position... you've pretty much made it clear that if she agrees to go out with you, she is going to be entering into a long term solid relationship with marriage and kids a real possibility in the not too distant future. If she changes her mind after a week then you are going to be heart broken.
You didn't tell her that you'd like to give it a try and see where it goes - you told her you are deeply and emotionally in love with her.
I think what would be best for you is to talk to her and explain that since she doesn't want to be with you - you need some space to get over her.
Cut contact for a while. Tell her you aren't going forever and still want to be friends but you need to get your head straight.
Then go and do it, get over her, put her to the back of your mind. Then you can either find a girl who's ready for marriage and kids, or party for a while yourself until the right person comes along at the right time. She could be over her partying stage in a year or two. If you still have feelings for her then, ask her out for dinner.
Good Luck!! xx
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