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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello.I split with my girfriend a couple months ago after a relatively long relationship. For the last 2 and a half months i have still been seeing her and trying to win her back. Sometimes it seemed like i was gettin somewhere and at other times it was like takin a step backwards.Eventually i put everything in a letter for her to read over xmas, and it almost seemed like id won her back. Then new years eve she tells me that although she is still attracted to me, that i know all her little faults and love her for them, and that i do make her happy when were together, she doesnt want to get back together. I told her if she didnt then i could never speak to her again, well not for a long time anyway. It felt like i was nothing to her how she could let me go forever, so easily.Then she tells me she thinks she will regret it, and might want me back one day. I told her if she did, she should contact me, but otherwise leave me be.What do i do? i think of all the little things, the little smiles, the things we did, and it tears me apart. Theres not a thing i wouldnt do but ive done all i can recently.Do i let go and forget?Do i let her do what she wants, carry on, and try again in a few months or so?Do i keep chasing?Thank You
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): I don't know your ages, but regardless the same principles apply here...
I think you have done enough for now, you wrote all of your feelings for her on paper and she still does not want a realtionship with you, and you have been pursuing her, which my guess she is feeling pressured because it has been all on you to make a go of this relationship thing.
A couple of things you need to ask yourself, why did you split, was it something she did not like about how you were treating her, lots of arguing and no compromising? Did one of you cheat? If there are some things about you and your relationship style that need work, then work on changing even though it may be uncomfortable for you to do so, and you can let her know how you have changed for sure...but don't call or text her anymore unless it is infrequent and just to say hi, how are you doing, don't ask her how she feels about you or who else she is dating...try just being a friend in that you listen to her without judgement and take care of her emotionally by being reflecting back what she says to you in your own words, and being empathetic...this will build trust, and being out of her hair may build her passion for you as most people want what they can't have....all this is sort of a tactic to win her back, but first be sure that is what you really want, her....ask yourself if she is really mature enough, and emotionally strong enough to be a nurturing partner for you, because often we tend to forget about a person's negative qualities when they leave us and it seems for good and a lost cause.
It may be that you are just not compatible for each other, so don't stop trying to get to know new women, you might come across someone really wonderful for you.
Hope this helps.
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