A
male
age
41-50,
*OE BOB
writes:My GF of 9 months just ended things with me because I don't show her enough affection and I don't open up to her enough. We broke up several times before but always got right back together. I always said I would do better but never really did. It's not that I didn't love her and not want to I just had issues with expressing my emotions. I'm very insecure about that stuff and just realizing it. I want to get her back but she's very untrusting in my intentions and says she just cant do it right now. I hate to think that I messed things up so badly that she won't change her mind because I actually have thought about marrying her. We used to talk about that stuff. Is there any hope. Theres more details if you think you can help..
View related questions:
broke up, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 It sounds like she had to take the drastic step of breaking up with you to make you realize that you never actually followed through on your promise to her. Not a nice wake up call for you, but I guess this has now galvanized you to action?
What is it about showing affection or opening up to her that was so difficult for you? Is this your first real relationship? Were you afraid that you would get too entertwined with her, or have you been hurt in the past?
Women sometimes expect more affection than men seem to understand, and I think that expectation can be a little much. Do you think that what she was asking from you was reasonable?
You now have an opportunity to demonstrate that you are willing to change, through your words and actions. Maybe you need to work on that insecurity. Talking with a therapist might help you and also show her that you are now serious about changing.
But the thing is, you really need to commit to this change should you manage to convince her to give you yet another chance. Was she the one who would break up with you? It may be that she has experienced the last straw, and now it's a case of too little too late. I don't know if this is going to work with her, I don't know her, you do. Give her some space, start that work on yourself, then you'll have something new to go back to her with and try again.
Don't be discouraged, don't think that just because she might not take you back doesn't mean you shouldn't work on this, because you may encounter this problem in a new relationship too.
So get to the bottom of your insecurities and recognize that being affectionate and talking about your feelings does not make you any less masculine.
Take care.
|
