I want family and committment. My long term lover doesn't. Should I just dump him and find someone else?

A female , anonymous writes:

I'm a single white female, satisfied with my career, have a great apartment in great city. good friends/family. i have an amazing sexual relationship with an exciting (single, not married) lover who lives in the same time-zone but not the same state; he's not my boyfriend; we hook up every month for a couple of fun weekends, we meet in a nice hotel, site-see theater, dinner and such. we've never introduced each other to our families and friends (but our family and friends are aware of our situation). we talk a 3-5 times a week on the phone during the day and at night before bed. my problem is my biological clock; we could best be described as very good friends. he told me on the onset, he was not the marrying kind and no kids. i was ok with that as long as he promised to commit sexually, he agreed and he has. i thought eventually i could change his mind. it's been 10 years and no change; now i want to move on and either adopt or find my *soulmate* and start a family. he's not pleased with my decisions. i do care very deeply for him. he is a wonderful,kind man and i would have hoped for more for both of us. i am afraid he will convince me to enjoy what we have a bit longer until it's too late for my dreams to come true. i know i deserve more; but i don't know if i can cut him out of my life quickly and completely --it's probably the only way i will be able to fulfill my wish of having my own family. what can i do to leave this relationship with a bit of my heart and dignity intact, happy memories of our times together just short of changing my name, numbers, and relocating to a new city to start a new life?

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A female reader, Juls +, writes (13 November 2006):

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