A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I recently moved in with him 3 months ago. His 21 year old daughter still lives at home. I am a very laid back person and thought I could deal with her still living at home. For a little bit more info I have 3 grown children I raised to be independent a ready to live on their own early. They are all living on thier own and now it is time for me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend raised his daughter by himself since she was 3. When she was in high school she decided she did not want to go to school any more so he did not make her. She now sleeps till noon and waters plants all day or goes to the beach. She will not work or even really clean up after herself. When I moved in we decided she would work and pay rent. She is doing niether. He had told her to get a job or get out. She is not doing that either. He does not follow throug on her working or moving. It is eating at me. I look at her as a squatter. It is so irritating to me. I love my boyfriend. He is my best friend and we have a great relationship except for the daughter. I do not want him to choose me over her. I want her to be the adult she is and live her life else where. Any ideas to helping me deal with this situation???
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Yikes, he let her quit high school? Well, I'm sure being a single parent without much help isn't easy thus a lack of discipline for his daughter over the years. I too was a daddy's girl, and she's got him wrapped around her finger. The only thing you can do is make a suggestion to him, have a serious talk that you are concerned about her and where she is heading in life. She needs to get her GED, maybe look into college, or get a part-time job, just to get started in the real world, and she's an adult. Be as nice and respectful as you can about it, you don't want to act like your her mother or trying to frown upon his parenting. Definitely don't want to give him the wrong idea of this talk. When out of all reality, his daughter needs to be drug out of that bed at 7am, driven and dropped off at the local community college to obtain her GED. Because without that how will she get a job? Truthfully, if he hasn't put the foot down from day one chances are he's not going to change his tune. Ultimately, she's going to do as she pleases, so then I would hope and pray she wakes up one day with motivation.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Tough one. Whilst you clearly have good intentions, it does sound like you are out of your jurisdiction a bit.
I can only suggest trying to help your partner to follow through. It's important you don't come across aa selfish with this, or create a war between you an the daughter. At the end of the day this has to come from him, not you.
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