A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and my husband is 25 we have a 3yr old daughter and have been together for 6 yrs. Just recently I told him I wanna have another baby and he says no because we aren't financially set but then again when will be? I'm hurt and this is affecting our relationship help please what am I to do if I want a baby so bad
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): ok i understand where you're coming from,my fiance and i had a miscarriage in january and now im ready to try again but he said that we cant afford it. but yet we could when HE wanted a child. so i can understand what you're saying and you should just butter him up one night and when you're having sex make him ejaculate in you!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your answers. By the way I do work a full time job and I do pay my share of everything the problem here is he just bought a land in puerto Rico(that I just found out bout by the way) to start building a summer home and his mind is set on that first. I think he's being selfish and not thinking of how I feel. He bought the land in 2006 and he still isn't financially set so what's the deal how long more should I wait?
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A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Don't see this as a rejection of you or your children together. It may be that your husband is under a lot of pressure already and feels very heavily the pressure of having to be financially responsible for another mouth to feed. I don't think us girls are always so aware of how our men feel in that situation. I have to say I never gave it a thought when my kids were small, though it was my husband who wanted the second baby, it was me who was more scared of how I would cope, so I guess we had different issues. Another baby will come. I think he just has to get used to the idea and feel more confident in his earnings.
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A
male
reader, razza  +, writes (14 August 2008):
:) dont worry so much...your husband didn't say 'no, i dont want anymore kids'
he said "later"...
i dont know your situation but it sounds like he is trying to be the most responsible father he can be!!! he doesn't want to bring a child into the world and then be unable to give them the start in life that he wants to
on the other hand i do know plenty of large families that are single income (and im talking 5 children and more - i know of one family that has 13 kids and the dad is a high school teacher!!!!) so you learn how to make ends meet i guess
dont talk him to death about another child other wise you'll turn him off having another child completely...he has said his piece and you have said yours....bring it up again in 8 months time and ask something like "honey when would it be a good time to try for another child?"
i was 1 of 5 kids growing up and i loved having a big family, they're awesome, anyone who doesn't think so didnt come from big family and COULDN'T know any better. im also disappointed that i didn't have more siblings, having a big family teaches you to give more than you ever imagined, how to give other people their space, how to be generous (nothing against smaller families but it is harder for kids in smaller families to be generous because they're too used to getting their own way due to a lack of good natured competition) tonight, we had dinner as a family as we always do (highly recommended) and it took us 15 mins to do the entire kitchen because we all pitched in...halfway through we stopped and had a pillow fight...big families are the best and i cant wait to find the woman that i want to build a life with and grow old together so i can have a big family of my own
having said that, i totally agree that sometimes having a big family is not for everyone (i know women are the most patient creation on this planet but there are limits sometimes) sometimes it is too expensive to have another child
whatever happens, this doesn't mean that your husband loves you any less than before, it sounds like he is trying to keep his family in the state of comfort that they are in
if you want to chat somemore id love to
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 August 2008):
I think the other Aunt is right... talk to him and find out what he wants to have done before your second child.
Perhaps he's worried about your mortgage... can you work some extra hours of take on a second job so you can get ahead with payments or have an emergency fund set up for bills. I am sure there are lots of things you can do. Make and sell things, become an avon lady, grow your own veg, there is always money to be had, even if it's not a lot.
You have to compromise a bit but so does he. Set a target... if we can have X paid off by X then we will be able to afford a baby.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Sweetie, I would suggest that perhaps you discuss the financial situation with hubby to find out just how 'financially set' he wants to be before you can have another baby. You dont say if you are working, if not, try find a part time job to help things financially.....
You are still so young and theres lots of time for you to fall pregnant, although, dont get me wrong, I do understand that urge we women feel, that we just have to have a baby....
Honeygirl
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