A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am 28 years and I've been married almost 2.. Have a son whose 1. The thing is my husband and I have known eachother for 12 years and we've been together on and off. He's a good person and we love eachother very much. But when we got married and I ahd my son we started having problems. We live by my parents trying to fix up our own place. At the end of last year it got bad and everytime we had a little fight he would leave for the entire day, spend alot of money and drink with his worthless friends.. It got worse and in january we seperated for a week. It was awful but he came back and I things r going ok.. The problem is he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me. We used to be this super couple when we dated that drank alot and spent all night bar hopping etc.. Since I had my son and his liming started affecting out relationship I decided to stop drinking. It was my personal choice. nd since then anytime I suggest we go out he doesn't want to.. This is starting to make me feel like he's ashamed of me.. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I can't have fun.. He limes with his friends but not me.. And anytime I bring it up he says its not me it's because of finances.. Our finances are bad but it wouldn't make or break us if we had one night out.. I haven't gone out on a date night with my husband in 5 months and I am very depressed. What should I do??
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male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (25 March 2009):
Well, differences about consumption can drive a wedge in any relationship.
Especially, when a person chooses to change after forming a relationship on a certain basis.
Clearly, you've had the power to change but your husband is somewhat more lacking redeemable qualities in that department.
Love him for the desperate fool he is but under no circumstances put yourself down because you have chosen to pursue a fitter path.
There are a million ways you could point out the shallowness of his behaviour, but only a clairvoyant could see the folly or benefits of each approach.
Try by gently prodding his love for you that you feel that he only loved you (not FOR drinking) but when you was drinking...
And good luck...
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 One night, like a Wendesday so it can just be you two, drop your son off at your parents. Go home, get pretty, and wow him when he gets off work. Lay out some clothes for him so he doesn't have to think about it, and tell him you're ready to go, and you want to be on your husbands arm when you step out.
If he whines about this, then go to couples therapy. You can often get counseling services for free through your church if you belong to one.
it sounds like he's not ready to give up his youth, and unfortunately he's dragging you down with him on his road of denial. Be up front with him about how you feel and exactly what you see when he acts like this.
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