A
female
age
36-40,
*rimson_rose
writes:I am 24 and recently married my best friend and the most perfect man. He is 65 and we dated for 4 years before we married. I have a 6 year old from my first marriage and he has 3 grown children and we all get along great. I recently have this yearning to have a child with him and have stressed my desire. I never seen myself having more children but being with him makes me want to share that special feeling with him, he is such a good man. Problem is he had a vasectomy 20 years ago and thought his baby making days were over. When I told him my desire he laughed and told me I'm crazy. He explained that it would tie us down we have a full time nanny and being tied down with one more would not make that much of a difference to me. We even baby his grown children. I love him and was sure that I didn't want anymore but I'm not so sure anymore. He could have a reverse vasectomy done but is it wrong of me to want this. What should I do?
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female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (7 April 2010):
You may crave his baby but please try to be realistic. He is 65 already. He is not in a position to start changing nappies. How about just enjoying your blessings. You both have kids from prior marriages so why complicate things. Enjoy your love and freedom. Live each moment together. Wanting another child will complicate everything so please be wise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): this is a really bad idea. i understand the desire for that child with him but this is such a bad idea. my parents were older when my baby sister was born. i was 25, my sister 22 and my brother 19. she was the fall crop, i guess you could say maybe even the winter wheat. all of the things that we did with our daddy, throwing a ball in the yard, fishing, hiking, feeding the cows, whatever...he didnt do much with her. he tried really hard. he read her stories, pushed her in her swing...took her out in the jeep...and died suddenly when she turned 8. i dont think that age guarantees long life, but at 65 ....by the time you reversed the precedure..which likely wouldnt work anyway...you are looking at 2-3 more years. this man will be nearing 70 years old. that means a child of 10 with a father of 80. and thats just unrealistic honey. my sister was lucky that she remembers our daddy and remembers his love...but she had a terrible time and still does today at 18 with not having him in her life. im not saying your sweetheart is not going to live to be 100...but i am saying he probably wont be up for chasing a five year old in the park. this is the sacrifice and trade off you have for the age gap you have. cherish each day, treasure each moment. you sound happy, it sounds like it is working for you. let that be enough honey. what you have is something that so many people long for...a happy marriage and a child, a good relationship with his children. dont muddy this creek. its not a good plan. mal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): He put his baby making days behind him 20 years ago. Now he has his 3 children and is probably looking forward to grandchildren. Plus he has your child to care for. He has a nanny for your child and you to enjoy his time with. As a woman in my 50's i can totally understand where he is coming from. More children at my time of life would be sometime i wouldnt want either. We have had our families and want to enjoy "our" time now. I cant understand why you would expect a man of his age and with a vasectomy to be over overjoyed that you now want a child. It will create problems if you insist. The possibility of children should really have been discussed before you married in fairness to him.x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Even if he did agree to try a reversal, I think you will be hard pressed to find a quality urologist who will be willing to perform it on him at his advanced age.
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 I seriously think you should better research reversing vasectomies, coz success after 20 years is so very highly unlikely that it is almost not worth debating.
I can understand your desire for another child (I want one myself but am in the same boat minus the age difference)but I do have to wonder about possible complications and risks of a 'not likely to succeed reversal' being increased given your husbands age.
If I had to choose between my mans health and a slim chance of pregnancy, .. I'd chose his health , hands down, anyday!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 It's not wrong, it's just not very sensible.
First it's YOUR desire, he does not share it and if he goes along with your plan it will be just to keep you happy ,not because he feels any urge to be a father again. Second, even if he can reverse his vasectomy, there's no guarantee that at his age he can get you pregnant. Sperms become fewer and slower.
Third, and I know this will sound awfully tactless but it needs to be mentioned : I wish your husband that he can live to be onehundred and over, yet unluckily it's not sure he still has ,say, 20 years in front of him. You may end up rising alone a teenager or even a young child. are you prepared to do that ?
Love is not all about having children together. People may be very happy together with or without children.
Think about it carefully before insistinf for reversing his vasectomy.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Even if he could reversed his Vasectomy , there is no guarantee that he can still father a child.
At that age,his sperm reproduction is limited and those sperms may not be strong swimmers.
It is not wrong for you to want a baby with him but he has his limitations.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): You can have a child with him that's up to you. But I wouldn't by the time your child is 15 years old. How is your child going to play with him pushing him on a wheelchair. They say man are never to old to have kids but come on he can't live for 200 years. By the time your kid is 24 your 65 year old man is going to have one foot in the grownd. Sorry to say
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 You are not crazy for wanting another kid, but with him? He may not live to see his child's graduation. He's just so happy that his golden days are taken care of, just hoping you would remain faithful. He didn't discuss having more kids before the wedding because he assumes with an obvious reason (his age and with 4 kids), there's no need to. He knows you are young and you feelings could change anytime. He's just so happy he got married again at his age.
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