A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi the thing is im 18 my boyfriend is 21 i have been with him for 3years and i really want a baby with him i understand the responsibility issue and not just the cute baby side. me and him would but we're both worried about what my mum and dad would say. i dont know what to do, it makes it worse that i am the youngest of 3 and the only girl please help need advicethanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): What if you are 14, have read tons of information on the matter, and think that you are highly capable of raising a child?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I can totally verify what Tish has said. I'm a grandmother of 6 and I know my husband and I totally enjoy being able to spoil the kids but at the end of the visit we love to go home to our nice quiet home. So do you live with your parents or not?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 I think you've had some excellent advice already. I second Petina1's comment that you should have your 'nest' all set up for the baby before you contemplate this.
If you're living with your parents, well, then I think that's presumptuous of you to assume that they would want the chaos a new baby brings. Being a grandparent (or an aunt for that matter) is wonderful and fabulous, but the best part of it is that you can spoil the grandchild, and then hand them back to the parents to take home.
If you are living with your parents, have you considered that they might actually be enjoying their time with each other and that they like haveing a quiet household? I know my parents, while they love their grandchildren, would not want to live with them. They've earned their retirement and their peace and quiet, they've raised their children.
So if you're living independently, have a job and financial stability and are a mature person, I think you just tell Mom and Dad that you are ready to start a family. If you're still living at home with them, I rather think that you're not quite ready. You have about 22 years to have a baby before things get too tricky to do so easily, what is the rush right now?
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 have you made your nest as such to prepare for a baby. I'ts always best to have a home and enough security and income to live on and pay your bills. What kind of setting would your baby be born into. If you are living at home with none of this then I can see your parents worrying about how yu will cope. Will it put pressure on them if you can't manage. It is such a big responsibilty and you need to be able to handle the emotional and financial aspects of bringing up a child for many many years. hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionANY MORE ADVICE?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni was not saying it like that deardre i was just saying that its the nhs as a previous writter said it would cost this much money.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (2 December 2008):
the NHS was not created so that people could have kids carelessly then expect to get everything for free. no wonder the economy is as bad as it is. save some money get a mortgage on a house get married THEN you can think about having babies.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 December 2008):
So you say you aren't really worried, you know what you want,then why did you ask for advice? Advice on what?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice, I have 2 dogs and I live in the UK so it's the National Health Service just to let you no my situation, thank you :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Why do you care what they say? Surely it's not their decision at all. It's yours and your partners. You are both adults and are both old enough to decided for yourself.As a previous poster said, until you can stop worrying about what others think about it, then you are not ready for a child. It has nothing to do with age. As an adult you can handle those less pleasant child-rearing adventures. There are plenty of teenagers that get pregnant and succeed in balancing motherhood/fatherhood and school/career. And there are plenty of older people who can't.Your body is most fertile NOW. If you choose career and don't get around to a child until your forties, then you may find it difficult to concieve the older you get, so thats an argument for sooner rather then later.A marriage is not a pre-requisite for a good family. Only the desire to ensure that the child grows up with a good balance of ego and modesty.So unless you can say that you don;t care if your parents like the idea of being grandparents just yet... then wait a while, but not too long, until you can.Flynn 24
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 December 2008):
 By the way, I just wanted to add that I don't think you're incapable of taking care of a child. That's all well and good, but the timing isn't right here. You're still young, you deserve to be able to save for your future and enjoy a little more time to yourself, to enjoy the silence in your days and getting to know yourself even better before bringing a child into the universe and dedicating even waking moment and all of your energy to it. You will give up your life to your child as soon as he or she arrives, and at 18, are you ready to never go out again?
Even with a PUPPY, suddenly my boyfriend and I haven't gone out on a date in like, 2 months. Why? The puppy needs constant supervision, so forget going out to any of my friends parties or grabbing dinner with my honey whenever I feel like it. Forget stuff like going shopping for a couple hours just because you feel like it.
With a puppy my life will be like this for a year, maybe two. Then hopefully, the dog will be able to be trusted alone in the house for extended periods of time. But with a kid? Have fun staying home for the next at LEAST 15 years. Time to yourself will be really hard to come by.
Okay, I'm done with my sequel answer. End of story?
Get a puppy.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 December 2008):
Get married or get a puppy. Seriously, a puppy will soothe all of those maternal urges you're getting. I love babies too, so my boyfriend said, "well, not quite yet but HERE have a puppy to name, love and nurture".
It worked. A puppy will poo, pee, eat, sleep and play just like any healthy baby would. They are cuddly and will love you unconditionally. Dog food, some treats and going to the vet is a lot cheaper than a new supply of clothes, furniture, endless diapers and medical bills for you AND baby (thousand and thousands of dollars - the delivery of child ALONE, if it a normal, vaginal delivery is $9,000 to $17,000 or more, a C-section is even more expensive - here's a website to back that up: http://www.costhelper.com/cost/child/baby-delivery.html).
Puppies are so cute... it will rely on you to take care of it, just like a baby and better yet - your Mom and Dad will probably be MUCH more supportive!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not realy worried no wat i want and i can stand on my two feet am very independant and me being like that is one of my negative points
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2008):
I'm sorry but someone who is worried about what "Mum and Dad" would say has no business bringing a baby into this world. Only people who can stand on their own two feet have any business deciding something so serious and important.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 December 2008):
Well why not show them you are serious about each other by getting married.
Once you do that then babies will be the next logical step.
Get engaged and see their reaction to that. You can have a pretty cheap wedding by going abroad and then after a bit of time to save some cash and get prepared, you can have your baby and no one will be surprised.
Good Luck!! xx
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