A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Advice please from anyone who can help, I have just discovered that my hubby of nearly 30 years has been viewing porn behind my back, now that's probably not so bad most men want to look at porn, but in our case it has caused him to stop making love with me, he has also been staying up late at night watching the adult channels on the TV. When I told him what I had discovered, he said straight away get rid of the video's, I have now, and said he wants to try to put things right. I had previously cancelled Sky, not because I knew about this, and I was talking to him the other day about it and he said you can still get it on Sky, when I asked him which channel he said oh no you have to subscribe. Last night I was flicking thru the channels and there was sure enough adult channels, not full porn, but enough, so I am then thinking he did not want me to discover this, so maybe his intentions was to still watch a bit, not good news for someone who said they want to put things right. I have now blocked these channels he'll find out when he tries to view them. My problem is now because this has gone on so long, will he be so used to these images he cannot relate to me sexually, and as I have removed all this stuff he cannot get it easily will he be tempted onto other things, I don't know what to do for the best. He has said maybe he got bored that's why he did it, but he's not saying much at the moment and really he just wants me to shut up and be happy and still do all the chores, whether the sex will come back or not I don't know, I have never refused him anything so I don't know why he didn't come to me for sex, he cannot understand why I am so upset, that I view it as deceit and some trust has definitely gone, how can we get back on track he says he loves me and you don't just throw away all our married years together, we don't have any children, so the love is what is keeping us together for now. I look at him in different light now though, I used to idolise him, and now he is just the same as any other man, when I thought he was different, have I got worse to come, eg. chatlines etc please help
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reader, Odette +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Although itis upsetting to find out something about a person you thought you had no more left to discover, as humans we all undergo a certain amount of change throughout our lives. I dont think you have a major problem regarding the porn, you found out about it and the channels were cancelled after a mutual agreement by you. The other channels you refer to are not listed as specific adult entertainment channels but after say 10 at night they do have some adult content, this is no more dangerous I feel than what you can view on terrrestrial tv. The major issue is the lack of sex life between you and the fact that things have got boring and admittedly mutually so.Try building up the trust and excitement that you used to feel. Think back to when you first started going out and the things you used to enjoy. Mayby a little teasing without full sexual contact is the best way to start off taking thigs slowly and then building up to a more intense relationship when you feel he has regained your trust.You could start with a little gentle role play,or blindfolding and tickling, start going out for meals outside of the home or for walks together to recapture the early days of the romance and try not to be overly concerned that he is turning into a deviant and think about if and how you wnat him to refocus on the most important thing.....You!Good luck....peace and love x
A
male
reader, Dakotanative  +, writes (23 February 2007):
You may have the whole thing backwards. Is it the porn that drove him from the bedroom, or is it the bedroom that drove him to porn. You need to figure that out, and then maybe he will come to bed regularly. Maybe you want to talk half the night and he needs sleep for work. Might as well be watching porn if he has to be kept awake anyway. Maybe you are dressing like a prude for bed and turning him off, or maybe you are acting like a whore (I have no idea, so take no offense), and you are suposed to be his sweet adoring wife and mother of his kids (again I am guessing), not a street walker. Maybe he is just a jackass. You know what you are doing, if anything. Instead of making him change his ways, try to change your ways. If he is looking at porn, not taking part in it, maybe you should be happy. Porn don't bring gifts that keep on giving home to you.
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