A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When i meet the man i am dating i usually present to him that i am independent and i hesitate to ask his help even in minor things. In the rare occassion that i ask him his help for something (something minor) i feel uneasy that i show him that i need him, something that i don't want to show him. Although i want to show independant to him if he refuses me this minor help i think that he doesn't really care for me. Is it wrong to ask him his help? Should i be independant and don't ask him his help for anything? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Partnerships are a team, dating leads up to the partnership. The two heads are better then one is what makes a partnership between man and woman strong. The 50/50 between partners tells only the part of the story. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Showing or telling of these weaknesses, allows the partner to help, either by offering advice or taking it on themselves because they know how.
Men usually will do things on their own. Many men, me included, when we come up to a brick wall, will ask for help. We will inquire to others knowledge of the subject and get and use the best information possible.
Men like fixing things for the most part. Men are gracious when there partner asks for help and we see that it makes them happy when they can do it themselves.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help, especially from your partner. This working as a team strengthens the relationship, places both partners on the same page. The more you share and participate like this, the more you know your partner and the more you know how they will react to a challenge and where you can get the ball rolling for them, knowing very well that it will be appreciated. This is the 50/50; we work as a team. One partner may perform 80/20, because they are more capable and it won't have to be redone latter.
Asking, discussing is all part of building a solid foundation in a relationship.
I had a girlfriend who would ask me questions, they could be about things she had to do that day, or things she attempted but ran into a snag; no fault of her own. She'd ask my opinion and then she would try it. When she returned, she would be all smiles and would tell my how things went. This strengthened our relationship, it built upon our trust for each other and that we had someone to go to for reliable help. Something all relationships need to survive.
If you feel uneasy, this also is an opportunity to discuss this feeling with you spouse/mate, and bonding closer. He/she should support you, and offer help, guidance. He should try to put you at ease. He should be there to stand by your side and help you up if you fall.
This type of relationship is critical to me, if my wife continues to either not ask for help, or ignores my help, and she goes off and continuously makes things worse, then she is place risk in our relationship, and can not be tolerated over time. These risk could include injuries to us or others, lawsuits, criminal charges. Together, we build our fortress, and protect it from intruders and outside sources that can weaken our bond. It is critical to the relationship to keep it strong until death do us part.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Don't be daft. You can accept help with minor things, of course, and with major things - that's the whole point of an inter-dependent relationship - you help each other. And as long as you are there to help him, too, with whatever he needs, that's how it should be.
Asking for or accepting help is the best way to be. If you can't do that, you'll be closed off from your partner. You need to open the door and let him help you. It's doesn't mean you're weak - people help each other all the time. : )
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 No man is an island.
Sometimes when we need help , we should ask for help.
If we cannot do a job well, then we need help.
There is no shame in seeking help.
It is not about being independent and doing everything by ourself.
If life can be better with an extra arm , get it.
...............................
|
