A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. I’ve always had minor doubts about the relationship, thinking in general that it could only last till I go off to university, and I’ve heard much advice that long distance doesn’t work. Plus my boyfriend gets really upset thinking I’ve broke up with him if we haven’t talked in 2 or 3 days. Well I have a problem with me. I very rarely miss him like he misses me, I have little drive to see him and I feel horrible about it because it makes me think I don’t love him and I hate myself. The only time a get a real drive is when he kisses me and I feel really attracted to him. But even knowing that doesn’t really make me want to. I think part of the reason may be that he recently failed some major exams and doesn’t have any real drive to do anything with his life and just wants to mess around with his mates. If I think about the future then I think I would have to do everything because he can’t be bothered. Does this also make me a horrible person??What the hell is wrong with me, I used to really love him and feel attracted to him, but now I feel that all I want to concentrate on is to study and get good grades so I can go to university.sorry this is a bit long but please help me sort myself outXxX
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broke up, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Remember the story about the grasshopper and the ants? The ants kept storing and storing food for winter, and the grasshoppers just played and played around? Then winter came and the ants had all that they needed, while the grasshoppers starved?
You are the ant. Keep doing what you are doing, so that you don't starve in the end. And if things turn out not to work out, find another ant.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (16 September 2008):
 I dont think there is anything really wrong with you; you are driven to succeed and that is not a character flaw as long as you dont ride over others to get there. Obviously you are frustrated by him and you are growing up; maybe even apart but it maybe that this is a natural evolution of the relationship. He sounds a tad insecure and I would imagine that this has it's causes in his past experiences.
It's really a question of balance - you need to have some kind of work-life balance and the question is whether he can accomodate that and whether you can. It's possible that you have merely matured quicker than he has in which case there is not alot that you can do.
Whether you love him or not is of course a question only you can answer. It seems possible to me that this relationship is coming to the end of its natural life. I think you need to talk to him about how you are feeling and weigh what you do from the responses that he gives. Have you even talked to him about the future and your hopes and dreams? Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): If you've only been together for 5 months sounds like there was some major lust going on in the beginning. It is ok that these feelings have left, but now since you are starting to really get to know each other you have to decide if this is the kind of person you want to be with..If the answer is no don't immediately break up, but it is worthy of a conversation. Ask him about it and tell him your concerns, maybe this will clear a few things up.
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