A
male
age
51-59,
*nquisitivesque
writes:Hi, I seem to have lost my libido with other people. I don't really understand it. I am gay, have never had much of a problem having sex with people. Now I just seem to prefer doing it on my own. I used to go and hunt for sex but now I just think that I am too sensitive for the game. I mean, if I like someone, then he goes with someone else, either after we have been together or even if we are not together, then I just get upset! I seem to take it all rather deeply. I love going out into cafes and bars etc and flirting, and even meeting people in the street, but I can't stand this idea of one-offs anymore. It is like I am only looking for "the one" and until that happens then I am gonna do it myself. I seem to be tortured by the idea of the one-off, which is odd, as I was always so very good at it in the past. Does anyone understand any of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Reading between the lines, it seems that you're now more interested in commitment and romance rather than just sex. You may be forming emotional attachments to the men you have sex with, and getting upset when it turns out that they're just not into having sex with the same person all the time.
You mention looking for 'the one' - there are bound to be others in the same situation. I wouldn't really know where to find that sort of guy, but the bar/club scene probably isn't the best place to do so. As I'm sure you know, the levels of promiscuity among fit young horny homosexuals are quite breathtaking if you stop to think about it. Not all of us are hard-wired to be faithful or monogamous, even if we tried.
'One-offs' are basically a reality that you no longer find fulfilling, so maybe remove yourself from where the temptation is, stop going to clubs, and maybe try online dating.
I hope it works out for you!
A
male
reader, Inquisitivesque +, writes (29 July 2009):
Inquisitivesque is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes i think you are right. It is just a new approach I am taking now, though it seems to have started without my realising it, i.e. my body wanted one thing, my mind was telling me to do something else. Now I just let them work together. And if that means less "one-offs" then so be it. Strange, new world...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2009):
Yep, sounds fine to me. Any one can get bored of the one night thing after a while. You still might find yourself doing it as a one off but it doesn't mean anything. There are no rules on this.
Good luck finding the one. I'm sure he's out there somewhere.
Good Luck!! xx
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