A
female
age
41-50,
*ephertite
writes:I used to be such a strong-willed person. Now I feel weak and pathetic. I really feel like such a mess all because of a guy. I have been in a thing ( i call it a thing because I don't know what it is!) with a guy for many many months now and its taking such a toll on me. IT started off with him saying he really loves me, but cant commit.Then he kisses me and does couply things with me. Then after a while he stopped kissing and it settled down to just hugs. After a while.. there weren't even hugs... he said he really wanted to be my friend and could not see his life without me in it as I'm a great friend. By this time I had already invested a lot of emotions into the thing we had. I am not one to fall in love so easily but I honestly am so in love with him and I can't help it! My solution was to not see him or talk to him or I'd never be over him. I tried ending the thing with him but he just kept coming back! And 2 nights back I told him to stop texting or calling. He asked me if I meant it and I said yes and today he acts like I never even sent him the text and asks to meet me. Me being the weakling- I said yes.. cuz to be honest after I told him never to text me again... I checked my phone every few minutes to see if he texted me. Ugh! Pathetic much? So I met him and we din even talk about the fact that I had attempted to end it. He was super sweet to me and even hugged me b4 I left. (which isnt normal). I am really upset because I do want something more. I can't do this bull shit friend thing when we werent friends to begin with. I need to be away from him so i can get over him! Why does he keep coming back? Why can't I just be strong enough and stay away from him? He always makes sexual innuendos as well when we talk and the way he looks at me makes me uncomfortable at times.. like he's mentally undressing me. The sexual tension is amazingly thick.. but he NEVER does anything about it. Honestly I'm very hurt by the way everything is... cuz it sucks when you want more out of a relationship but cant get it. It hurts sooo bad I want to cry but I can't even cry. it's all just choking me... huge lumps in my throats that hurts when i swallow. Why can't I get him out of my system? And why the hell can't i cry? !
View related questions:
kissing, swallow, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, emj  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 thankyou for your comment and anytime hunny and im glad your moving on and getting on with the best of what life has to give good luck sweet:)xx
A
female
reader, Nephertite +, writes (1 July 2008):
Nephertite is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow... thanks soooo much guys... Emj.. what you said affected me the most.. cuz I do deserve better and I need to move on.. I have confronted him a few times.. but he is always so evasive and I have had enough. I'm putting my foot down. Thanks a lot again!
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 You should have signed your message "Violin", because this guy is PLAYING you! He's got you eating right out of his hand, and he knows he can have whatever he wants from you whenever he decides to spring the trap.
It's time YOU decided what it is that YOU want from this guy. Do you want him? If so are you willing to settle for just a fling or do you really need a permanent relationship? My guess is he's probably just after something temporary. If that's OK with you, then you're on the same wavelength there and you can move ahead. If you want something more, you're probably heading for a tough time.
But assuming that you DO want him, I'd say it's about time to confront him. Tell him that you're tired of the games, and that it's time for him to fish or cut bait here. Either the two of you get together (you can leave the terms undefined for now or not) or you are moving on. Give him a little time to make up his mind, but don't let him blow smoke on this issue. You deserve a straight answer.
If he won't go for that, it's time to get over him. Stop seeing him as much as you possibly can. Then start working on getting him out of your mind. The best way I know how to do this is something called "behavior modification". It's a serious of psychological techniques designed to help you get over somebody. There are books on "how to fall out of love" and "breaking an addiction to a person" that can tell you how to go about this. If necessary, use them.
You are your own person, and you deserve not to be toyed with. This guy is using you. It's up to YOU to decide how much you're going to be his toy. "Toy" is not all bad, if that's what you want. But go into the game willingly and knowingly with your eyes open. And know that if you DON'T want it, there's a way out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing happen to me. The best advice I can give is to COMPLETELY ignore him. 30 days, 30 days, 30 days. I can't even believe i am giving this advice because it was nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to do it. However after 2 months of feeling like completely shit, not eating, sleeping, or being able to think or breathe, I realized that the ONLY way I will move on is to block him out totally. Because every call, email, text only gives a sense of hope to US that we will get back together and in return only gives our significant other the power over us that they control us when they really don't want to get back together but want to make themselves feel better. If after this time he is STILL calling/texting you, then you can talk to him but until then---blow him off like you could care less. Watch how fast he will call and communicate....=)Best of luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, emj +, writes (30 June 2008):
Well let me start off by saying one thing you are not pathetic hunny far from it , you shouldnt put your self down so much , it seems to me like this man has a bit of a hold on you and he knows it , trust me ive been here sweety and no matter what any body says to you it wont make a difference because you love him , you need to stand up and be strong put your foot down "no means no" , it seems that this bloke is only in it for himself when he wants something he'l come back , todays women are definatly getting stronger but we put our selfs down so much becasue of what a man thinks we should look like or act like when in fact they do little to try and please us , we need to stand up and say well actually no i can do better! i will do better! and show them becasue when your taking him back sweet your saying " yes its ok to come back when you please and to be there when you want go on then i dont mind" you need to at least for now give it a l break if he's very serious about you no amount of time will matter , and babe there are plenty of decent men in the world we only see what we want to see maybe its time you looked at your self and what you deserve , which is a good bloke who will committe to the relationship trust me you will find that specail person we all do, dont rush into things ive been with my fella for 10yrs now and still you learn new things a good relationship is worth waiting for and taking your time over hunny , i know your most probably thinking what deos she know and its easier said than done but going off experience i can tell what type of bloke he is from what you say and to be honest it sounds like he is thikning of number one which you should start doing we all deserve happiness and if your not happy whats the point :) chinzupxx
...............................
A
female
reader, cutiemax09 +, writes (30 June 2008):
 listen itz ok to like him but dont let him kno u still like him act like u dont care about him and u dont have time and he will feel it
...............................
|
