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male
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*fonlyangel
writes: Im not sure how to convince my girlfriend i will not cheat on her, she says that she knows that i wont but i really dont think she means this, the reason for this is because i have had 2 serious relationships in the past and both i have cheated. I have grown up alot since then and watched two relationships fail beacause of this, the last relationship i got a taste of my own medicine and i really didnt like it. I never thought how much i have hurt the people who were on the end of my smutty cheating at the time. My girlfriend knows of my past and im worried that she thinks we will end up the same, i really am sorry for the pain and hurt i have caused to people for my stupid and mostly drunken actions, i have been with my girlfriend now for a year, an argument came about on night because she thought i was looking at a girl in the club and i tried to tell her that it was innocent (which it was) because i am crazy about my girl now and i really wouldnt do anything to hurt her, i want a normal relationship with her and hopefully kids in the future but the problem is i dont know how best to prove this to her and hopefully put her mind at rest about my shady past? Any Advice Please. Thanks.
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reader, Ifonlyangel +, writes (3 June 2006):
Ifonlyangel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for the replies, its been helpful to hear your answers and they are all very good, once again thanks. "Ifonlyangel"
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Cheater huh? Well join the club. I lost my girl that way and am now in the same boat. I'm trying to convince her I won't do it again. If this thing has taught you anything it should have been patience. Things like this don't come over night. You have to put in your best effort and remember this: However your relationship starts is how it must continue. Be honest with yourself because you can't live in the past because of what you've done. Focus only on her and her needs. Answer her questions (honestly), be there for her (all the time) and always always stick to your word. You are starting with a negative trust level you're just trying to get to zero and then start. Be patient. Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): I can relate to your dilemma. My boyfriend is trying to patch things up with me at the moment. He cheated on me last year and we split up because of it but we are now trying to work things through in an attempt to be together. He is in the same boat as you having to constantly reassure me that its me he wants and that he won't ever do it again. In order for your relationship to work you must first understand what you put people through when you do cheat. There is no pain like it. Trust is such an important element to a relationship, its not easily gained but very easily lost. I'm assumin you haven't actually cheated on your current girlfriend so she has no real reason not to trust you. All you can do is try and proove how trustworthy you are, only time will tell if this relationship will work or not. If she can't get over your past it may not work at all.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 It's a shame your girlfriend knows about your past because it's easier for you to know how you feel & be sure you won't repeat history, but for her all she can see is a poor track record. Basically you have to prove it with your actions as well as words. If you haven't given your girlfriend cause for concern in a year then it's time she trusted you. Also, anyone she dates could be someone who's never cheated but it wouldn't guarantee they never would. All relationships have an element of risk and things can and do go wrong, you unfortunatley are being judged by the wrong jury! Remind her it wasn't her you hurt, only others (& because of it, now yourself). Tell her you feel guilty enough about what you did and find it hard to feel you are still being punished by someone who wasn't affected by those actions of a younger man. I believe people can change, but explain that if she doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt, you fear that you will lose her but not because of cheating on her, but on others and how absurd would that be? If she can't trust you I'm not sure you have a future with this woman. If it doesn't work out, don't tell the next person about your past, leave it where it should be...in the past.
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