| A
male
,
*uscles
writes: I have been going out with my girlfriend for 6 months and to begin with it was all a big change for me etc and was extremely exiting....Now I keep having worries in my head that I am 'slowly going off' my girlfriend for some reason....Whenever I am not with her I do miss her but If i dont see her im not too bothered and am happy to spend the day doing somthing else...all though that is normal right?...I have thought about it and read up on things such as 'commitment worries' and i feel I have worries about commitment...My girlfriend has already talked about things such as kids marriage etc in a few years but whenever she seems to tell me that I just change the subject....I really need to know why whenever I am with her I have this strange worry that im going off her and have talked about her ina negative way more to my parents....And i hate to do it but what i say is true...I do admit we spend too much time just in our homes doing nothing because of restrictions....however we have started going out a lot more now and its a lot better and balances things out...I really wish this strange worry in my head would go because its not nice... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Muscles +, writes (2 June 2006):
Muscles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for reply...Tbh I think im thinking too deeply about things i saw her tonite had a great night and i feel my worry has gone...but then worrying it will come back this week sometime is somthing i need to get rid of soon....its on and off you know like the odd day your fine the next you worry...i need to get rid of it soon ... and i will try the things u have sed just worried how she wud reacte and becaome paranoid if i let her kno
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 You'll probably get many different opinions on this, but here is my advice.
6 months into a relationship is around the time you might be 'taking it to the next level'. What do I mean by this? I mean that after 6 months together you will be getting to know each other pretty well, and becoming more and more relaxed and comfortable with each other.
In that situation you can consider trying to get to a new level of openness and intimacy with her. If you can find ways to connect with each other on a deeper level then you will find that you can become closer and closer, rather than having the feeling that you are drifting away from her. Some things you can try:
- Try sitting for a while alone thinking about your feelings. How do you really feel, right now, about her, about the relationship? You are trying to get in touch with your emotions. Don't over-analyze, just find the raw emotion and try to label it for what it is... maybe its fear, or love, or confusion, or apprehension, or most likely a mix of many.
- Then try expressing those feelings as openly as you can to her. Just let your defences down and let it come out. You can try describing how you felt, or even better, if you can, describe exactly how you feel right as you are telling her. You will probably be experiencing fear about how she will react, and maybe embarassement or shyness about what you are doing. But if you can express your feeling openly and clearly to her, you will likely find that she will reciprocate and you will become closer and more intimate.
- Share your fears with her. Tell her what you posted here. But also tell her your other feelings, that you think she is great and sweet and you find her attractive, and that you find her personality really great. Don't edit.
- You can try sharing secrets. Take turns to tell her something intimate about yourself, something that only you or perhaps a very small number of people know about you. Maybe something you are ashamed of, or something that is very personal to you. Take turns. See how far you can both take it.
- Try to create more intimacy during sex. You can have sex with your eyes open looking at each other the whole time, with the lights on. Do it slowly. Try taking turns saying what you like about having sex with each other, and the things you do that you both like and don't like. And try asking for things you'd like to try, including stuff that you both might shock or surprise each other with! Even if she says no to some of them, you might find that the act of sharing brings you closer.
...............................
A
male
reader, Muscles +, writes (2 June 2006):
Muscles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for the reply....And yeah I do love her she is totally great and sweet i find her physically attractive but also i find her personality really great too....It was fine a month or two ago but a week or two of random sadness which the doctor said was horemonal was not helped by my gf as she was extremely paranoid resulting in her in tears for days...etc this did not help...and from the moment she sed to me when i was not feeling the best 'if your having doubts in our relationship tell me' and it hit me then and ever since then i have felt guilty and as if 'im going off her' i think its just in my head...but i dunno wot i can do to get rid of it...
...............................
A
female
reader, Dr Cupid  +, writes (2 June 2006):
Just because you feel ok spending your day doing something else this doesn't mean you are going off of your girlfriend but if you are spending alot of time together at home it could be that you just want a little time to yourself. Everybody needs a bit of space sometimes. The question you should be asking yourself is do you love your girlfriend? If her talking about the future with you makes you want to change the subject this could mean that you are not ready to enter into a committed relationship with this person. However, it is very early in your relationship to be discussing marriage and children. Maybe you should consider slowing your relationship down a little, tell your girlfriend how you are feeling, she must notice that you are changing the subject and she probably is wondering why. If you do not tell her she may draw her own conclusions.
...............................
|
