A
female
age
36-40,
*-Marie
writes:Hey everyone,I have been replying to peoples questions since I joined and find it comes fairly naturally to give people advice (to the best of my ability) I just can't seem to help myself! My husband and I are strong together, it's just I find it hard not to get agitated by certain things he does and his causes us to argue! Such as, If we are discussng something and we both think we are right, instead of agreing to disagree as I would be happy to do, he has to Google everything to prove a point, even days after the conversation, If we are talking and we both have an opinion I feel as though I should just keep quiet in case we end up arguing, If I feel like there is a problem we need to discuss it seems we can't discuss it without it getting heated. It's driving me mad!!!I love him more than anything and he loves me. I know I have advised people on similar topics but I can't seem to do the same for myself?!Any tips or advice would be welcomed, Many thanks.xxx T Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): It's fairly easy to advise anonymous strangers on their problems because there's no emotional attachment.
The problem that you are having seems to be that you're smothering each other. I find that no matter how much you love someone if you're with them 24/7 things will get heated because you run out of things to talk about because you pretty much know everything that happens to each other. That's where the arguing over stupid stuff comes into it. You both still yearn to talk to each other and love each other etc. but you have nothing to talk about really that's new or fresh and you probably have very little space either.
I suggest fitting in a little extra time apart during your week, to try out new things perhaps together or you both just pick up a new hobby or something. Something to break up the routine a little and give you both something to talk about plus a bit of extra personal time to reflect on things.
If things get heated when you discuss things, then perhaps you've both just become used to being argumentative with each other. Neither of you wants to back down because you both think you're right. Well sometimes and in most things there is no right and the real right thing to do is to just back down and accept the other persons viewpoint. I'm not saying give up, or concede defeat, or agree with the person, I'm saying accept that's how they feel and not to continue to try and get them to see your point. Think of how discussions go about religion or politics goes when you speak to someone with a polar viewpoint to yours. You can argue to the death but it will always just reach a point where you will have to agree to disagree.
Just get to that point sooner, rather than later with your husband.
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