A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This might be a bit long! I've been dating my bf for 10 months and everything has been great and I love him. But about a month or 2 ago his ex gf of 3 years started messaging him acting depressed and talking crap bout me. There were a few times where he's gone to see her because she'd been so upset, I was ok with it till he told me they started arguing about their old relationship. Things like why they broke up and who's fault it was. Then one day I saw some of their messages and he was telling her things like he missed her and loves her. So I told him I didn't want him seeing her. But she'd called him crying hysterically a few times and he'd gone to see her but he'd finally agreed to not see her again.A few days later I made an account on a website she uses. And found out that she kissed him the night he said he wasn't seeing her again. I was so upset and was ready to say something when he got home from work but when he got home he said he wanted to talk and he ended up telling me that she kissed him and he took off, he even let me listen to the voice mail she left that night where she was begging him not to be mad at her for forcing herself at him and kissing him, he said he was just afraid to tell me that night but couldn't keep it from me. (I trust him and I'm glad he told me.)Since that night she has messaged me a few times threatening me and talking crap and I've told my bf I really didn't like her for that and also because they keep arguing about their old relationship. He says he doesn't want to be with her and he doesn't know why he keeps arguing but he continues to keep in contact with her.So far this has been our only problem in our relationship and its been causing us to argue. I just feel frustrated and exhausted. I do trust him but them always arguing about their old relationship bothers me a lot.. and the fact that he wont quit or avoid talking to her. What do you guys think? Any tips on what to do.. or anything?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I am having the exact same issues, I recently had a gut instinct something wasn't right with my boyfriend and i went through his phone...i found txt's from his ex girlf and he had sent ones to her too...they were talking like they were still very comfy together considering he stated he dislikes her to me previously...there was one txt that concerned me more than anything..she visited him on his birthday last week to give him a card...why i ask myself...and then a txt later on saying if he decided to do what they spoke about he should and she knows it will take time...well i am pregnant with my boyfriends baby and to me reading that was saying when he is ready to leave me he should and clearly it will take time because i am pregnant...i confronted my boyfriend straight away and he claims i have it all wrong and he loves me and wants me..but there is something i am struggling with still..we live apart during the week in completely diff counties and she lives where he does..as much as i want to trust him i find myself sat at home crying desperately worried he is with her even though he tells me he is at a friends...he told me this before when clearly he was with her...i am at a loss....just waiting for the day i get some form of message that will further break my heart..!!!..i hope i am wrong as i have already had to end a 10 yr relationship due to my ex cheating...i'd hate to go through it again....Men just have no idea that an ex will cause issues if they continue to talk to them and give them false hope...i hope your partner stops talking to her and going round...mine has swore he will delete her number and when he gets a new phone he will get a new number so she doesn't have it...only time will tell...but i will be checking his phone again this weekend...i have to for peace of mind...hope when this baby is born my hormones will calm down and i will then be able to trust him..take care of yourself..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): He stopped going around her house but still texts and sometimes argues on the phone. I've seen a few text she's sent him where she sounds suicidal and basically pushes the blame on him if she were to kill herself. Some texts sounds like she's just trying to make him feel guilty for being happy. Her threats are she's going to jump me if she ever sees me because its my fault her and my bf aren't together now. I find myself having trouble telling him pick me or her because of her being suicidal, I've had an ex do that to me before when I tried breaking up with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): It's weird reading this because this is the EXACT same relationship I had with my boyfriend. I'm still with him and have been with him for 8 months now but at the start of our relationship the ex got involved too and he started messaging her saying he loved her and loads of other stuff that broke my heart.
He told me he didn't mean it and loves me, he deleted her of everything and stopped talking to her. So I stayed with him and nothing has happened since so I think I trust him now.
In your case, it looks like he still has some unfinished buisness with his ex. Why does he keep speaking and going round her house? I think he loves you, but because he's speaking to her and going round there he's getting confused and think's he still has feelings for her.
You need to sit him down and talk to him, you need to tell him exactly how you feel. I mean, threatening you? What was she saying and what did he say about this? The moment she threatend you he should of stopped talking to her altogether.
You need to tell him that you love him but if he carries on speaking to her then you're going to leave him. Gently blackmail and see what happenes. Use it as a little test, if he says okay I'm going to stop and he does, then you know you can 100% trust him and he loves you. If he doesn't then you should dump him fast! That means he still loves her and he's messing you around.
Just talk to him, tell him you DON'T want him seeing or even talking to her again. Tell him to delete her of everything. I mean afterall, she's an ex for a reason.. there's no reason for him to stay in contact with her.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 March 2010):
Tell him straight right now that he either chooses you or him. Don't take another moment of this. If he won't cut contact, just dump him. Don't stand around waiting for it all to change, and don't be second best. Tell him it's you or her.
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