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male
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*ecentguy1
writes:Hi,I am asking this question to help my own mind about this, and I'd love any ideas! My girlfriend who i trust has gone to Mexico with her girlfriend(who is in love with someone). It is a company trip with 40 people at a 5 star resort. I didn't complain, as i do trust her, and as mentioned, her friend is in love with her boyfriend as well. My girlfriend does not drink heavy. Question: Am i crazy and foolish, but would the temptation be strong enough for a devoted girlfriend to "have a fling"? I mean, it'll be a meet and greet dinners and drinking and dancing at disco'sprobably late into the night..she is really pretty too, so I imagine some handsome guy coming up and trying desperately to get her to walk the beach to talk, and having her say okay...the next thing...warm beach, little buzz, a kiss or two?? I know you don't know her, and she never has given me a reason not to trust her in 4 years, but 2 girls, in Mexico, 3 day weekend blowout...help!!! am i crazy??thank you!! Reply to this Question
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reader, eddie  +, writes (22 October 2006):
 I'd like to add something. What would have been your alternative? Would you have stopped her from going away? What must be learned here is that we do not own or control people. At least not for very long. We just hope for honesty. You have to set boundaries for your relationship but you can never decide what is good for the other person. You will only push the other person away. Part of a relationship is to get fulfillment from your partners experiences in life that help them to grow. Some people would react by trying to clamp down on their partner but that is not a sign of love, it's a sign of contol. Do you want to love and be loved or do you want to be i control?
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reader, eddie +, writes (22 October 2006):
My friend, I went through the same thing. I'm not ashamed to say that it almost ruined me and my marriage. My wife spent a few days in a resort town with a friend of ours and her fiance. EVERY thought you have, I had, including drinking, the walk on the beach and the kiss scenario. I had all those thoughts. The truthis, they are all possible. But, they are also possible at home.
Are you at all insecure in general? Are you the jealous type? The facts are, men will approach her, at home or abroad. Half the population are men. She WILL meet handsome men, home and away. She will meet guys she finds interesting. BUT, she loves you. She will have fun and enjoy her time away.
Let me tell you what happened to me. While my wife was gone, I started to resent it. It bugged me she was having fun, meeting people and perhaps being hit on by guys. My wife is also VERY pretty has modeled etc and gets noticed. How did I react while she was gone.....I lost weight, got depressed,cried, pictured many crazy scenarios in my head, made assumptions, imagined how the scene of her in the disco talking to men MUST have been. Imagined she was soaking up the attention like a sponge.
In reality, she did have a GREAT time. She did meet men and of course they were interested. Why wouldn't they be? She told them she was married, they were fine with that and they changed their tone. She liked some guys,thought they were nice and had interesting converstaion. I would do the same. So would you. Did they still desire her? Of course but that happens all the time to women. Did she have the opportunity to cheat. Of course she did. MOST women don't jump into bed at the drop of a hat.
When she returned home, I lost it. I was angry, accusing her of things and questioning everything she said. She thought I lost my mind. I had to some extent. It took me a long time to get over it. What caused my fear? You picture the scenario you see in the movies happening to your mate. You feel like you don't measure up to the competition, you think of all the "what if's" etc. The truthis, as I said, it's all possible but you need to deal with what you know about her. If you think you are the only guy she will ever be attracted to, you're wrong. I'm sure you meet attractive women from time to time. Do you cheat? Perhaps you have been in a similar situation to your girlfriend before and really enjoyed the attention and worry she might do the same. I did that. I didn't cheat but enjoyed the knowledge I had the opportunity.
Finally, when she comes home, be nice !! Listen more than talk. IF you jump all over her, she'll shut up which will frustrate you more because you're dying for information about the trip.
The more you listen, the more she'll talk. Be careful, I almost lost my wife and family over this.
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