A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hope you can help and understand what i am askingI am not sure how to write this but hope you can get the jest in what what i am asking.My husband and I have been trying to get our marriage back on track after I found out he had been cheating on me several times thoughout our marriage I have forgiven him for this but not forgotten but accepted that we must look forward and not back.He said the reasons he cheated was the thrill of not getting caught and for the sex when i questioned him on what was so different having sex with these women than me he said nothing apart from they just lay there not touching him or kissing him he just put a condom on and had sex thats it,or he would drive to a quite spot and what i would call groping them this does make me feel pretty sick as in my eyes that is what dirty old men would do for a thrill whats your views? Our sex life was ok before i found out about his cheating and has got better since.I felt the problem was me and thats why he cheated on me. To really spouce up our marriage i have been going out of my way to show him how much i love and care.I made him a romantic dinner(steak with all the trimmings his favourite)had a bath run so when he got home from work he could relax enjoy the meal then have some fun.I put on the maids outfit i expected him to be turned on and we have wild sex or something exciting but no he was not even turned on he said that he was shocked that i would dress like that. what is wrong with me? Please give me some advice to what s going on. I know that he is Not cheating anymore that i am 100%sure off Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I admire your wisdom, formulated by this statement of your,"I have forgiven him for this but not forgotten but accepted that we must look forward and not back"
Everything you write in this post is not only great, but truly a IDEALIZED VISION.
No..you certainly do not need any advice from us...BUT, I AM PROUD TO ADMIT THAT I LEARN SOMETHING GREAT FROM YOUR POST.
But, unfortunately your men is incomplete in having true vision about good sex life. So, I advise you to start to learn TANTRIC SEX, you can have lot of web page on the subject, through Google search, you both start to read to-gether. It is not porn type sex, or even Kamsutra, but about spiritual aspect of sex, which is more enjoyable than normal sex most people have. It start with body, and progressively high and high and high in mind, knowing no limit like simple orgasm, but say it as eternal pleasure or bliss.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): seems like your hubby wants a decent faithful wife and a slut as a mistress. therefore he is shocked about your role playing. he cannot fathom his wife being sexy and naughty. time to get rid of the hubby. selfish man
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A
female
reader, Sydnee +, writes (8 February 2010):
Dear Anon
are you doing all this because you want to? or just because you think by doing it and him being satisfied at home he wont stray again?
if this is the case i wouldn't bother trying anymore
if you truly have forgiven him and this has nothing to do with this i would have an open and honest discussion
ask what he likes rebuild your lives and learn about eachother all over again
Good Luck
Sydnee x
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk more
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): im not sure that i can make this sound sensible...but a male friend told me this, and i have found it to be true for me. When things are in a bit of a turmoil, we women think that we need to do more and 'spice' it up. But when things are at 'sixes and sevens' men need that which is comfortable and safe. It is unnerving to them when we suddenly change. I think this is especially true at our age. In my own life my circumstances were different but i tried to fix things in much the same way. This friend advised that i should focus on little things. Special touches, memories, our songs, small intimate things that we do that were 'ours'. I couldnt imagine that it could be that simple but i had tried a lot of 'extreme' things that were not helping, in fact making things worse.(im not talking kinky or off the wall, just out of character for me...trying too hard) i am finding that there is a lot of truth in what he said. The dinner and bath were a nice touch. Spice is good, but add slowly. And remember he wasnt out looking for exotic or kinky, so i dont think that is whats going to turn him on? Its a hard place to be but try to not come across as desperate. It scares them off. Good luck honey...mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): Well... if you have never done something like that before he could be shocked. Men also tend to think, sometimes, that wives are people they respect. So they don't expect them to be dirty :)
Were you confident with your maid dress? That would make a lot of difference... If you know what you are doing he'd probably enjoy it, passively watching you and letting you take the lead.
Could be that he is a little more traditional... so try a sexy nightie or something. Or a slow striptease - but only if you are confident. If you feel awkward he'll too.
I don't know what you mean when you say you were the problem in bed... Perhaps taking small leads would be a better way to go than shocking him.
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