A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I thought my guy was cheating.I found all kinds of things from the internet, phone text messeges and porn sites, and sites like xuqa that plainly have things that will make me suspect him of cheating. I cried alot over this and have told him about it... he had a different excuse everytime that I fall for. But im not sure if he is actually cheating or planning to or what.. But the way i found all the evidence is by snooping and sneeking in his stuff. Also making up people on yahoo to see if what he would do with different opportunities. I have and did do alot of bad things as these made up people i created, curse him and dogg him, and stole all his accounts, the one I found and the ones I knew about. When he told me this was happening I pretended like i didnt know anything and pretended to be mad and cross for him ... was this all wrong to find out if he is cheating, I could never tell him what I did im afraid too if he is innocent, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 I cannot put my hand on my heart and say that I have not or would not do the same, unfortunatly you felt you could not trust him and things he had done led you to these conclusions and your curiosity did the rest.
My word of warning to you is that when we snoop we must be prepared to find the evidence and have a clear action plan to deal with this or it is not worth putting yourself through it.
Snoop only if you can deal with the consequences.
If you suspect him then maybe best to confront him, but if you do and this maybe the only way, be prepared for the relationship to end as most relationships rely on trust and respect and without this there is no point in a relationship at all.
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (1 June 2006):
 I'm sorry but yes it was wrong, but also a common human nature trait. Lots of people 'snoop' but in fact it's rather more serious. It's an invasion of privacy & it's deceptive. Not to mention how destructive this behaviour is to you. You are doing irrational things the deeper you get in. Be strong enough to stop the false names etc. The biggest issues are: what made you snoop in the first place? Sometimes there's a sense that something is wrong and when you look and find something, there's that just feeling of "I knew something was wrong". I suppose people who look for stuff, find stuff and therefore justify their actions. A healthier way would be to ask why you suspect them? Do you really not trust him? Or is it a lack of self-esteem or fear of him cheating? Was there an ex who treated you badly and you're scared it will happen again. It's usually your own insecurity that leads to spying. Your boyfriend may have been looking but it doesn't mean he intended to do anything. If you choose to tell him, be prepared for a confrontation but is it fair him thinking he's being victimised? Is it fair to you being racked with guilt and insecurities? Whether you tell him or not, try to learn to trust him. I truly belive in self fulfilling prophecies, if you're convinced bad things will happen and he'll leave you, he probably will, but only because your untrusting behaviour may drive him away. If other than this you're happy with this man, be content knowing he's with YOU.
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