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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, please am so sad i need help.Try not to judge me when you read my story, my mind is already doing that.i have been under depression but i know its no excuse.here it goes.I have been dating this girl for 6years now. I did promise to marry her and i was the first man in her life. she is 28 and i am 33. She is the kindest sweetest thing you can imagine. I didnt care i treated her like dirt. some of the things i did to her was i would make promises and never keep to them. will promise to get her a ring even without her asking and let not give it to her just for the thrill. i would tell her i will see her parents and not do so. still she stayed. she will cook and clean i will tell her its not good enough even if i know it was. i will also make fun of the way she looks even if i know she isnt bad looking. The first time i slept with her i told her i didnt feel a thing and i hated the fact that she was a virgin.all the while she stayed. All she does is cry and say sorry even if its not her fault.Finally 3 weeks ago i told her not to call me again as i usually do. i expected her to come back begging. Instead she just cried and said i am a very cruel person. I felt moved and called her last week and i told her to forgive me. she said she will always love me but its time she moves on. i have cried and begged but she refused. since that period i havent heard from her. I have tried calling, going over to see her she has moved. What do i do. i know i have been very bad there are things i am ashamed to mention.but i would like her forgiveness even if she isnt willing to date me again. when i think back i say to myself you were really a monster. how can i stop this guilt. please help!!!
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male
reader, Joe  +, writes (31 December 2005):
probably her family will be last people who would be happy to see you but MAYBE if you could get hold of them and let them know pretty much everything you have said here and hope they may understand and then MAYBE they could help you find her, you may look at yourself in the mirror and think you are scum but that alone has shown your changing and shows you are actually a good man to admit any wrong doing can take alot but remember your trying change your no longer that "monster" and there men in this world you beat their partners and refuse to admit their problems.i have respect for you admitting you've done wrong and hope it all works out
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): Man, that took guts to admit all that. You already appologized the only thing you can do know is wait and see if she comes back to you...if not, at least you know u tried to have her forgive you.
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (22 December 2005):
Hi, let her go and learn from your mistakes. She deserves someone better, you deserve a good kicking.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (22 December 2005):
 Your posting really moved me and I think you are brave to admit how badly you treated this girl. This will stand you in good stead to not do it again with a future relationship. However, you must also try and understand why you were this way with her. Look inside yourself to find the answers. Even counselling may help you with this. Consider this seriously.
If she has moved, you may have difficulty contacting her but if you can discover where she is, then all that you have said here is what you should say to her; whether it is by email, letter or spoken. Tell her exactly how you feel and that you are deeply sorry for the way you treated her. Explain that you want to get help to unravel any reasons as to why you behaved that way but that you intend to never be that way again with her or anyone else. Tell her how ashamed you feel, tell her everything. Don't beg to be back with her or even her forgiveness; just express how you feel. Once she knows all this, it may help relieve some of your guilt but you may just have to live with some of the way that you feel.
Such words will make her feel better, I can assure you; and that really is your ultimate goal. Tell her exactly what you have said here; that there was nothing wrong with the way she looked, that making love with her was special (as I hope it was really)-all the things that you deliberately said the opposite to before.
I sincerely hope you do find her so you get the chance to let her know these things. I also hope you try to get help to find out why you were that way with her in the first place.
My thoughts are with you.
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