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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 57 year old woman. My husband and I have been back together after 15 years apart. He ask me to forgive him for the wrong things that he has done and if he can make it right. We have one adult child together. We have several problems but the wrost one is that he is away most of the time with his job. He does not have a desire to have sex because he can't get an erection. He want kiss or fondle me, just nothing. I don't want sex that often, but I need some love some time. I feel that I have trapped myself by taking him back because now I don't want to have a affair but I need love bad. I have tried to discuss this with him, he just says that he is going to buy the medication he needs to get it up, but he never has. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): Dear, you don't sound happy and I am sorry. Your man has gotten lazy; he's either forgotten or just doesn't want to work hard at making the efforts in this relationship. It's like he's stuck. You do need the emotional love and support and you need to re-teach him. Unless he can balance his 'working life' with his 'home life', you and he will end up apart for good. You've told him that you feels lonely and you miss him and if he doesn’t start spending some quality time with you, I’m afraid you may be 'ripe pickins for an affair'. Don't let this happen..that will only serve to make you even lonelier because affairs behind a loved one's back end up being meaningless and very shallow. The guilt will eat you alive-don't allow this to happen. With couple counselling, your relationship can be salvaged. Think seriously on that.
Try to understand, what a man goes through when he ages and loses his desire for sex. He may not be saying it-but he's likely 'deeply pained' over this too. He could also be embarrassed. As men age, losing their ability to have sex is very common but medication does help. The more support and help you give him, the faster he will recover, with the help of Viagara. In the meantime, be cuddly, reassuring, and loving without all this pressure. But do give him a gentle shove and go to that doctor with him, support him. Help him through this because real love is not a feeling, but instead, it's a decision to commit to one person through the hard times and the good times. Let's remember, you can create love every day by acting in a loving way and not worrying whether you feel loved. Real love is kind, caring, and protective. You have been completely honest with him, admitting to him that your physical 'needs' are not being met in this relationship. You are craving intimacy. But it's not the only way to build a long lasting love with someone you cherish and love. Communication, freindship, compatibility, displays of affection and support help-all of this could make your relationship stronger. I wish you luck and get to that doctor with him. Knowing you are in his corner to resolve this issue, will bring you both closer. Take care
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 Hi dearie, i feel he hasnt realise how important it is to you that is why he has gotten around to doing something about it yet. Maybe u should try talk to him again let him know that u do love him but would like to him to seek medidcation so that u guys can improve on ur sex life.
Goodluck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): first, Sex is not everything, you could still have fun without sex ( but that would be kind of borring )
But, some clever man invented Viagra, that stuff helps, so you could give it a try, or at least talk to him about it...
Dr. Kolc
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (4 January 2006):
What can you do? Well you have explained the importance of your feelings to your husband and he still basicly refuses to do anything about it. Sure he has made a promise, yet seems quite empty to me as he hasn't shown any action. Its sad, that you would have to pretty much force him to go and get the medication and you shouldnt, he is your partner and should do whats best for you and respect your needs and do sometihng about it, if he cant give you them. You need to tell him that you a tired of waiting and if he doesnt do it in the next week, well then you will be left with one choice...to leave. And if he doesn't think your serious, I say pack your bags for a few days and make him sweat it out, or even just throw him out, if its your house.
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