A
female
age
41-50,
*iccolo12
writes:All my life.... i have met guys that have not treated me right. They said they wanted to be my friend but in the end they really want the sex. I am very shy, compassionate person and i am also naive when it comes to things like that b/c i want please everyone b/c if i don't i feel that they don't want me. I was in a 3-year realtionship with this guy and he was my first; he ended b/c i did not want to just have sex with him. He did not care about my feeling. Around this time, i had a male co-worker to talked to about this problem and he has been there for me.Our friendship began to grow and we started to hang out but i felt a little uncomformtable b/c he is (54) and I am (28), and people at my job starting to think there was something going on (which it wasn't at that time). 3 months later my heart started to change and i started to fall for this guy (so did he). But the problem was the age factor for me so i ended and just want to be just friends. He says that is not a problem, but i still feel it was. Now it has come to my attention that he is getting married (some one at my job) and it was all to sudden one month after i have ended it. I felt betray b/c i believe he was using me and seeing this other person while he and i were together and i have been crying every night since. What can i do? I feel my heart is torn. My heart can not take it anymore. I have even though about moving and finding another job so i want see them. Please Help
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co-worker, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Sorry, I forgot to give you the link to "The Secret."
http://thesecret.tv/home.html
Eve
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 February 2007):
If you say and really THINK you are predestined to be alone for the rest of your days then you WILL be! You'll send out negative energy and all you'll receive back is negative energy! Send out POSITIVE energy by thinking positive and you'll get positive energy back. It's called the law of attraction. Have a look at this movie, it's called "The Secret". You can watch it immediately for $4.95 (£2.50). It has helped hundreds of people just like yourself to become more confident and assertive. I recommend it to lots of people I talk to. Watch it and let me know what you think. It really will help.
And no, I don't mind you continuing to talk to me at all, that's what I'm here for.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Piccolo12 +, writes (27 February 2007):
Piccolo12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope i am not a bothersome to you Ms. Eve but..... since i am having so much trouble with every relationship i have been involved in...... i am predestined to be alone for all my years? From you p.o.v.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 February 2007):
Jeeeeeeezus... what a twisted couple they both are, to use someone like this and get their kicks this way. He is nothing but a sleazeball love. I say they deserve each other! Don't you feel bad about it, you stand tall here, YOU did absolutely nothing wrong here. THEY are the one with their sick perversions! Was he so bad in bed that she needs to think of him with someone else to be turned on? Is he so hen pecked that he does EVERYTHING she asks him to?
I would NEVER let them force me out of my job. Why should you have to move because of their sick perversions? You got out of it, you dumped him! If she gets sticky with you, let her know it was nothing to do with the age difference, you used that as an excuse, it was because he was pathetic in bed and didn't know how to use it that you dumped him! Stand your ground, say your piece then ignore them completely. Tell them both to go and crawl under the rock they came out from under.
You could also go to your boss and have a private word with him/her and explain the situation and ask that he/she has them or you transferred if the going gets too tough but don't lie down and take it! THEY are in the wrong, not you! Look at this as one of life's hurdles, jump it and carry on... don't refuse to jump it and go back the way. JUMP OVER IT!!!! ;o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, Piccolo12 +, writes (27 February 2007):
Piccolo12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Eve...... the situation has gotten worse. She approach me at work and told me that she knew about me and him. She was the one to encourage it. While they were dating..... i was his sexual thing to him. (i guess b/c he way older than me).So when i wanted to be just friends b/c of age differences, they decidce to go ahead and get married. SO this hurts me even more, that the fact he hurt me and now she is the ringleader. Now i know i am force to leave my job b/c i am nothing but a big joke to them now.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 February 2007):
Maybe she knew nothing about you and him seeing one another. If you want to put all this behind you then you need to tackle it head on. Pushing it to the side or running away from it won't fix the problem and it will always be there, deep in your mind. The best way to confront our fears/problems is to tackle them head on, that way we can deal with it, sort it, then move on.
Think about it this way, if she didn't know you were seeing one another and he was still seeing her then he was cheating on him. Surely she deserves to know this and at least be aware of it before she possibly makes the mistake of marrying the guy! Wouldn't you like to know if you were in her shoes?
Eve
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A
female
reader, Piccolo12 +, writes (26 February 2007):
Piccolo12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am too afraid to ask her b/c i know the truth will hurt even more. Maybe i am a wuss or something...... I sound pathetic. I know and sorry for being this compassionate person.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (26 February 2007):
Okay here's what I would do. Go up to the female colleague he's meant to be marrying and ask her in a friendly way how long her and him have been going out together. Wait for her answer. If she's been seeing him the same time you have then note it and say nothing. Then go up to HIM and tell him exactly what you think of him (in private of course.) Confront him with the fact that he was seeing someone else at the same time as seeing you yet said nothing. Let him know what you think of him and tell him what a loser and a sleazeball he is. Let him know you've a good mind to tell his "girlfriend." THAT should shake him up a bit!
Don't feel embarrassed and definitely don't feel inferior. He was the one at fault here, you knew nothing about him going with someone else. You need to try and get over it though. If you feel it too stressful going into work every day and them both there then it might be a good idea to look for something else, you'll know your stress levels best.
At least you have the satisfaction of knowing YOU dumped him and not the other way around so walk with your head held high.
Eve
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