A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband, "Rick," and I own a own business and decided to contract one of his friends, "Travis." During our first meeting, Travis shared personal information with me about his frustrations with his business partner on another venture. Rick was there but on the phone. Travis is more Rick's friend than mine, so I took this to be a bonding moment for us.Two weeks went by without being able to meet again, so I called Travis to touch base. At that time, Travis began to make comments about my husband and ask me questions about his work ethic. As Rick is a dreamer, I do have to micro-manage him in order for things to get done, and this is a bit of an irritant to me. I answered Travis's questions truthfully and vented a little, as I would to my (girl)friends.As soon as the conversation was over I felt horrible. I hadn't realized how much frustration I had over Rick's lack of drive. I said nothing to Rick later about the phone call because I did not want to hurt him. And I also never contacted Travis after that.A month later, Rick and I started fighting a lot, and he called Travis to blow off some steam. Travis told Rick word for word what I had said to him. My husband was furious with me! I accepted responsibility and sincerely apologized. But I was furious with Travis for the betrayal of confidence. I confronted Travis, who said he was only doing what he thought best and that he wanted to help. He didn't apologize.Rick and I have made up and moved on from this, but I still feel deep anger toward Travis. Every time my husband mentions Travis or takes a call from him, it bothers me. I cringe, thinking that Rick might be sharing personal information about me or our relationship with this man. Am I wrong? Why am I angry? How can I move past this? Should I tell my husband that I'm still angry?
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, loops  +, writes (20 June 2009):
As awful as this is going to sound who are you really more angry at yourself or travis. You answered why Travis has given all what you said away to your husband in the first breath because he was more of a friend to your husband than you, although you did bond a bit you had only had two meetings and venting off your spleen to someone whos really your husbands friend about your husband was bound to get back to him sooner or later even if it wasnt the full story. You said you felt horrible afterwards so maybe your anger towards travis is more over how you feel about giving your feelings about your husband that you havent informed him of away to a complete stranger. Although it isnt excellent etiquette of travis to spill the beans to your husband, as his friend if you were arguing he may have genuinely thought by telling your husband what annoyed you he may have been opening your husbands eyes to the problems, rather than simply sticking his foot in it. as long as you have explained to your husband it was just a vent, and solved any issues associated with that vent and your husband is ok i would put it to the back of your mind and move on, and maybe pick your spleen venters more carefully in the future!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): You shouldn't be angry at Travid because he was truthful. It was you whose mouth words spilled from. No one else's. Travid didn't lie. The only person you should be mad at is yourself.
...............................
|
