A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of four years is ready to get a place together. However, I am not. I just got my own place and moved out of the dorms, I have great roomates, and really am not sure if Im ready for such a leap in our relationship. She however, is dead set on the idea, and when I finally broke the news to her, she got incredibly upset, saying things such as, "Im not sure how much longer I can wait." We haven't talked in days, as Im trying my hardest to give her her space. Im not sure what to do, we have gone on a break before, but Im afraid that this might be the finally hoorah. Should I pressure her, or let her vent, I tried explaining that right now Im not ready, and I just need time. I don't understand how breaking up after four years, and still being in love is any solution, especially if I just need a few more months or so. The semester just started, any help is greatly appreciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): thanks both of you. you really added some reassurance to my decision. hopefully she will understand, shes on edge right now. so who knows, i have no problem ending it if thats what it comes down to. i do love her dearly, but as you've stated other things are just as important.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Hey, I support your decision not to move in with your girlfriend, she in my opinion is showing poor judgement and immaturity if all she wants is a living arrangement with you.
You both are very young and are still in school, so you really cannot support yourselves all that well, amd money fights may insue....Did you know that statistically living together relationships that result in marriage result in over an 80% divorce rate? There is something about living together that sets up a relationship for failure and there is a self selection process going on in that couples who live together rather than marry are less mature.
Living together is not a trial run for marriage...you both should maintain your own lives and space until you become engaged, maybe this is what your girlfriend means she does not know how much longer she can wait, she may want a promise of msrriage from you....if you are not ready for that then perhaps the timing is at odds of this relationship continuing and flourishing, it happens, as they say timing is everything in love.
So try to talk to her, but if she is unwilling to budge, then walk away if you must.
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A
female
reader, guitarchica23 +, writes (24 January 2007):
Hello. I just got out of a relationship where me and my SO's needs began to differ. We were in an LDR, and I was suppossed to move when school was over. Well, the semester ended and I wanted more time to get on my feet, and experience living on my own. She was ready for long term commitment followed by marriage. I wanted the same things, but I just wanted a few months to myself. After a long and messy month and a half of being in limbo, things ended...she claimed that she had been waiting for for me for 2 years and she was tired of being in an LDR. We both love eachother dearly, but we couldn't fulfill eachothers needs. Unfortunately, love is not always enough to make a relationship work. We were still very much in love, but if you don't have the same goals, then the relationship is not going to work. Don't compromise your needs for her, if she can't wait...then it isn't meant to be. I thought about letting go of my fear and just giving in, but I would've been doing it more for her than for myself.
Maybe you can talk to her and just tell her it's a few months, if she isn't willing to understand, then you should end it.
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