A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with benefits with the same guy for over a year with the exception of one month when I tried being in a relationship. I have had feeling with the guy for a long time now and he has known about them. Last night I brought up the fact that I want to be with him not just FWB, and he told me he knew that. Then I decided to ask him why we couldn't be together Nd he told me be cause he didn't think it was best for us so I told him it really wouldn't be much different then what we have now and he told me he just doesn't wanna be in a relationship. The. I made the mistake of telling him people see him as using me and he took it as a I felt thar way and told me if I did the bye. When I tried explaining to him I didn't it came out that I honestly love him and that's why I want to be with him and he just kept ignoring me. I'm not sure what I should do about this I don't want to lose him and that's what I'm terrified will happen, what should I do about this?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Your in love... but you must be honest... this guy can't "come back to you", because you never had him in the first place. He's not your boyfriend, he's not in love with you. He's a friend, a guy you go out with and a guy you have sex with. If he wanted you as a girlfriend, he would have told you a long time ago. But it's just a sex thing, and he's been looking for someone permanent and that person isn't you.
Just because you love him, doesn't mean he has to love you back. People don't fall in love just because you've known them a long time or you have sex with them a lot.
You need to forget about this guy, you will make a fool of yourself and you will get yourself hurt. Don't push him into the position of insulting you badly because you don't get the message.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): yea but he didnt start with this girl until monday because sunday night we hooked up and Im not sure how he can already be saying that about her but oh well my other two friends think he will end up leaving her and coming back to me... and Im so in love and dumb I hope its true
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 January 2011):
 what a swine! i can understand why you're upset! i suppose it just maybe boils down the fact that we can't love everyone we meet, no matter how hard they wish for us to, in the future you will probably meet someone that feels more for you than you do for them and it may for reasons that you can't even put a name to, they just won't be right for you, so you'll leave, maybe this is what he felt like about you? :( i have read a lot of posts on here that talk about FWBs and the opinion of the majority of people seems be that as a woman, you are doing the wrong thing in agreeing to fuckbuddy-ship if you ever want that man to be serious about you. this is hypocritical of the man, i know, but they just ARE programmed differently to us. you WILL get over this guy, and you're just gonna have to put this episode of your life down to experience, get over it and it leaves you stronger to cope with any further disappointments you might face with relationships. keep yourself busy with nice things to do and people that care about you, and one day soon you'll realise that you have stopped thinking about him and what he has done. i'm so sorry to hear your news, suppose at least it answers your questions as to why he's dropped you the way he did though
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): well today I found out that after I put 14 months into just him in the three weeks he has been talking to this other girl and once we fought he started talking more to her and now he is telling people they are basically dating :( He never said anything like that about me in the 14 months. I am so crushed and dont know what to do but cry more. I was "with" him for 14 months and told him I loved him and she gets him after 3 weeks?? I so hurt and it just proves to me I dont belong with him or anyone for that matter he is the only guy that has my heart and the only one I wanna be with and now I have to watch him be with her :( its so painful I feel like I have waisted so much time being with him and leaving someone else for him...
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 January 2011):
gosh, erm, he's a mystery isn't he? the only reason i can think of is that after his last relationship hurting him he is scared to get involved too much again (but he is already very involved with you!) six months is not a mega-long time after the break up of a major relationship to start another one, but he is now another year+ further on from that time, so i would expect him to be well over her now! if he doesn't want a relationship with you, it would be nice if after all this time he could explain to you why, instead of leaving you confused like this, i mean, he's been a friend to you, he should care enough to talk to you about this matter that is very important to you. hey if he doesn't even respect you enough tell you, maybe you should question do you really wanna be with someone who treats you like that? anyway, if you are having this close and exclusive relationship with him, why is so upset about being classed as a proper boyfriend? or is he upset coz he thinks you and other people are saying he's using you? is he scared that offering commitment means giving you commitment for the rest of your lives? relationships are not like that, there is NEVER a guarantee, i think everyone knows that. let me know what happens, i'm curious now! hope you can talk to him
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): angelDlite: I just want to say I am not offended at allTo me and everyone else it also seemed like we were dating just not to him. Being that we are only with each other I am not sure what the difference to him is. The only thing I can think of is that he can go a flirt with other girls as long as he does not have relations with them.. but even if we were dating I personally wouldnt have a problem with that because I think it is healthy if we both have friends of the oppisite sex, and for someone to be your a good friend to you you should be able to flirt with them and see them as long as there are no relations with them. As for us getting together we do about one or twice alone with no one else is average a week, and at least one of those times we have sex or it is a sexual time. Other then that we are together almost everyday over the weekend with our other two friends (I must add when we are around others we dont even act like we have those sexual relations ever). I felt like I was getting a bestfriend out of this and not only sex, as for him I dont know maybe just sex? I dont think he thinks we are to young because before me he had one really long relationship that he did end up getting hurt in but it was almost 6 months (?) before us meeting up. As for studding hes not one that is so involed in school and as for college both of us are staying home or close to home. I am ok with the questions if peopleare trying to help me :)
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 January 2011):
hey sorry, hope i've not offended you with what i said, its just that in most cases it seems like its the mans idea to be FWB and the woman will just go along with it, and then realises she is emotionally hooked and wants more. i'm a bit confused about your situation now, coz you say you and him are exclusive to each other, you always go out as a foursome with your friends and this has been going on for 14 months. this sounds like a boyfriend/girlfriend thing not FWBs. so what is the difference? more to the point, what is the difference to him? what reason will he give that he can't just admit to everyone (and himself!) that you're his GF? he's telling you he doesn't wanna be in a relationship with you but it really sounds as if you 2 are, or was until you had the talk with him. how often do you get together with him? do these meetings always involve sex? is that what the 'benefits' you refer to are? what are you both getting out of this partnership and why won't he commit to more? does he feel like you both are too young to get too involved? is he too busy with studying to have a full relationship? is he planning to move away to go to college or something and that why he doesn't want to get too involved? lots of questions i know, but am really perplexed as to why you he's keeping you as FWBs when all that you've wrote indicates that its more
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): To angelDlite no i didnt go into this hoping to change his mind because it was my idea to do the fwb in the first place. Our rules for the whole 14 months we have been doing this has been only with eachother and i know he as well as i have stayed true to that because we share the same friends... we would go on double dates and everything with our best friends, his bestfriend and mine are dating each other so we are all four always together. At this point we are back to talking as just friends for now, but as on 12/31 he did say he messed up and lost someone who he thought was the right girl and could someday be with... we shall see :\
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): This is going to hurt, but you need to do it. Do no contact. Don't go back to him if he starts to chase you. He's using you. Don't ever agree to a fwb relationship again with anyone. Just remember he doesn't care about you, if he did he wouldn't have a fwb with you. Good luck.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (29 December 2010):
hi
yes i am with dirtball on this. did you go into this in the hope that he would change his mind and grow to want you as a real girlfriend? your just gonna have to accept that this is still not want he wants. are you his only FWB or does he have others? after all, if you are not in a committed relationship you are both i suppose within your rights to go with other people. have u discussed that? you seem to want more out of this than he does. you have told him how you feel so i would now just do nothing and see does he get in touch but if he does, have the relationship on YOUR terms this time not his! and if he doesnt want to do that, let him go and get on with your life! dont allow him to use you casually anymore coz it obviously hasnt made you happy. i'm guessing that 'lets just be FWB' was his idea, not yours?
xx
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 December 2010):
 He is using you, and you've gotten attached. That's the truth. It would be a good thing to lose him. He will NEVER give you what you're looking for. He has told you that yet again.
You should be done with him. He's been honest with you about his intentions. Those haven't changed. You're not going to be able to change that. If a year of sex with each other hasn't changed his feelings, nothing will.
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