A
female
age
30-35,
*uru-San
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. The first couple of months, I was blind to this, but I have realized that my boyfriend has no emotions/heavy lack of emotions. I have all these feelings for him, but he doesn't understand them. All of his "emotions" are mental. None of them come from the emotional part of him. He's like a robot. In fact, he compares himself to a robot often. Not on purpose, but to help me better understand how his mind works. I'm madly in love with him. He does nice things that other guys have failed to do. Yet... that emotional connection is missing. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (6 February 2014):
 It's not so easy to live, as some men are really "brains on legs". For instance, while my older brother is really sensuous (consequently he had a lot of troubles with girls) I'm myself more brainy, which makes people look at me (a little bit) as if I was an E.T. on certain instances. That's not an inability to fully feel things (or is it in fact ?) but more probably old wounds scars. As a child I was hyper-emotional and very naive. So no need to say that I happened too often to be abused in some ways, repeated blows on the heart that ended by forging an unemotional way of being.The key to your problem is how you will be able to make your "man of steel" heart melt. If you like photography, it's a good hobby for both of you to discover the curiosities and the beauties of our world. When watching a movie, favor the love-comedies as it will pour little by little more emotion in your guy's soul.To be seen in DVD:_ Shallow Hal_ Groundhog Day_ An Ideal Husband_ The Fifth Element_ An Affair to Remember_ Notting Hill_ Love Actually_ He Said, She Said_ The Cutting Edge (Paul Michael Glaser's)_ Down With Love_ Phenomenon (with John Travolta)These movies are not always about love (even if most are) but they are all good and will help you domesticate your guy. They will take him off guard: it worked well for me, then why not for him too ?
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 February 2014):
 I think a lot of women have issues with this. As a generalization, men are a bit more emotionally removed than women. And this guy seems to be the extreme of the bunch. It's hard for women to emotionally connect with a man who seems so detached. and they wind up feeling as though they are missing something very important and vital to their relationship.
On the other hand, while I point out that some women have a hard time dealing with men's lower amount of emotions, men also sometimes have a hard time coping with women's perceived over-emotions. Some guys don't know what to do when a woman gets extremely emotional and acts on impulse rather than logic. So it can go both ways. Perhaps he's feeling as perplexed on how to handle your emotions, as you are on handling his lack of them. Lol.
All I know to say is that while it appears that he really loves you and cares for you, he doesn't know how to show it in the way you need emotionally (read up on the five love languages - it will really be helpful for you). You can try to learn to deal with this and grow used to it. Or he can try to learn to show you in the ways you need, but ultimately, you two may just be incompatible. after all, you both shouldn't have to change who you are in order to be together. you should compliment one another.
Good luck.
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