A
female
age
41-50,
*owderedheart
writes:my boyfriend and i of one year have been having many problems the last 3 months, he never said it was over, just "this isn't worth it anymore" and "you need to find another guy" but never officially that, we were through. we had another fight and i finally said "goodbye". and didnt see him for a month. when i finally saw him, when he came to pick up his things, i talk about being together again, he brings up that i was the one who said "goodbye". we had our problems, and he says that all the shit we go thru, he went thru in highschool and doesnt need to go thru that again. I remind him that this is my first serious relationship, and that i dont have that much experience and that he should understand. and i finally told him that, when i was young, i was molested by my grade 5 teacher. and that, i have my own issues. and its taken me a lot to get thru that and to have a relationship. and as i told him at the end of our relationship, he acted like he didnt even care. he didnt ask anything and just changed the subject. how can he not care about what i just told him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Honey, I'm sorry to hear you've been in such a horrible situation with such a horrible person. He clearly doesn't have the same feelings for you any longer, and is trying to start again in his mind. Yes, it was an awful thing to do, but if this is his way of dealing with things, then you're much better off without him. Just try and push it to the back of your mind, and remind yourself that he is gone now. You can find someone who cares for you and loves you, and wants to help you when you've had this type of thing happen. Good luck.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (24 April 2008):
From what you added in your reply, he surely doesnt sound like a very sympathetic and caring guy at all! Has he ever really shown any sympathy to your OR anyone else?
It sounds to me like you are much better off without him. He isnt the type of guy that deserves you. You deserve someone who will be much more supportive, caring and understanding.
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female
reader, traviata  +, writes (23 April 2008):
I can understand how you must have felt when he didn't react to the fact that you were molested as a child. I was molested as a child too, and I'm also learning to open my heart to others. To previasc96, I would not choose to tell my bf early in the relationship about having been molested. It's just not something you do at the start, when you're trying to spark his interest and not killing it by whining.
However, I'm can also understand people who don't feel that much sympathy towards molest victims. They go, hey it's just molest, be thankful you didn't get raped! I don't think they're right to say that but I can understand how their minds work.
Anyway, what you should do is to let him go even if it's the hardest thing in the world. It seems like he's already made up his mind to leave, and even if he did sympathise with you he might not change his mind. Take all the time you need to get over this and find a better guy!
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female
reader, powderedheart +, writes (23 April 2008):
powderedheart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for answering, i'm messed up now, but it took me a long time to let someone in my life, and so i let him know hoping he'd understand thats why i do lack experience in relationships. the thing is he always says he's an understanding person, he thinks he is so understanding, im so angry that he is so deluded. i really should have known that he was shutting himself on me months ago, 3 months ago when we first had that fight, he ran off on me, and i my friends pushed me into going out, i had too much to drunk at home, and when i got to the club, i passed out and the ambulance had to come. i told him about it and all he said, was "do your friends blame me (for what happened)".... i hate him.
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male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (23 April 2008):
He's not gonna show concern for your past now, Duh! you shoulda told him that in the beginning! Maybe he would've been more understanding
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female
reader, happytochat +, writes (23 April 2008):
I am really sorry that you were molested as a child. I cant even beguin to imagine how horrible that must of been for you.
Your bf doesnt seem like a decent guy in my opinion. I mean I dont even KNOW you and when I read that you were molested, I felt like almost crying. Sure I dont expect your bf to cry, but you would think he would show some sympathy or something right?? I mean its what a sensitive perso nwould do.
I was once treated very badly by my ex bf and when I broke up with him he told me some pretty bad things that happened to him, such as abuse when he was a kid and although I had so much anger towards him for not treating me well in our relationship, I couldnt turn away from him and not show any sympathy, to me that would be wrong. Its only natrual to feel for him.
So why didnt your bf? Its not because you are not worth caring about, or anything like that, its because hes a cold hearted person I think. Either that or perhaps he just didnt know how to respond? Some pepole dont know what to say about such issues so they just change the subject to avoid it. This comes across as not caring for the person.
I know it must hurt to not have your bf care about what happened to you. But take this as a sign that he def is not the type of person you should be with. You need to and deserve to be with someone who is sensitive and caring and who doesnt run away from problems.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Your relationship is over. Some people were just not meant to be together. Get some counseling if your past is affecting your ability to have relationships. Once you get that settled in your mind you will be able to successfully move on and have a wonderful relationship with some other guy. Good luck.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Simply because he does not love you anymore and he is trying
to get rid of you from his system.
His mind is shutting you off.
I am sorry if I appear to be harsh.
You will have to leave him alone to decide if it is final or not.
Give him his break.
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