A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:a big reason for my break up with my boyfriend of a year is due to my insecurities. I used to be a little overweight in highschool, i was always the funny girl, and never had a relationship. and university is when i really, i guess blossomed and, i guess, got hot. and have been since maintained a good body. since i met my boyfriend, i was on the pill, and with our lifestyle of wining and dining and cuddling and sleeping, and also with the pill, i gained quite a bit of weight, maybe 15-20 pounds, and became very insecure about myself. my dad makes fun of me a lot and he's been there when that happens. and i became very moody when i felt insecure, like when he would talk to skinny women, or comment about hot women on tv, and most of the times it would jsut be me being mad at myself and then being in a bad mood. i told him how i felt, and that i was sorry, and i know it wasnt fair to him but its what was going on in my head, but instead of being supportive, he said to me, that my insecurities are petty, and that i have no real problems going on in my life that this some problem i've concocted because i am bored, and it is superficial and that i should just get over it or just do something about it. i'm very hurt by that, and i felt he should have been supportive. he's always made me feel guilty. i personally dont think that was how a good boyfriend would have responded. was he being a bad boyfriend with the way he treated my insecurities?
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insecure, overweight, the pill, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (23 April 2008):
You're boyfriend was harsh! Your insecurities is a REAL problem! It's REALITY in the REAL world! He doesn't understand how you feel. But he should try to reassure you that you are beautiful and that he finds you attractive the way you are. Furthermore, he shouldn't say "do something about it". He should be encouraging you, by saying you have the power to make a change.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I think a person can only handle so much blues. Repeated over and over again, it begins to affect us, especially if the person keeps dwelling on it. This I think happens to people with depression.
It is terrible that your dad kept bothering you with it, you should have done something about, stand up for yourself. You could have cried and told your dad that really hurts and makes me feel like you don't love me enough not to hurt my feelings. Your dwelling on is is normal for people, we all just need to learn to let others know we don't appreciate the sarcasm, becuase if we don't, then we to become affected by it like your bf did, and we begin feeling the blues too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 He is not bad . He is just a typical bloke .
Ofcourse , you would like him to say things that you want to
hear from him but unfortunately many blokes are wired in that way.
They are crude and lack finesse. Just like a rough diamond.
You need to polish them.
You will have to educate them and tell them your perspective.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (23 April 2008):
YES! He was a TERRIBLE boyfriend for reacting the way he did! A decent, caring, sensitive, loving person would not respond the way he did. You are so much better off without him. You deserve a bf who realises you have the right to feel how you do, who doesnt say your feelings are invalid, because they are ALWAYS valid.
I think it is very understandable why you feel insecure and it is not shallow or petty or stupid. If people dont deal with their insecurities they can lead to even bigger problems such as depression and they can also have many negative effects on their life. Your ex bf doesnt seem to be a very understanding person at all. In fact he seems like one of those guys who just doesnt want to deal with any emotional prblems. He seems like the type of guy, who when growing up had alot of people say things to him like 'just get over it' or 'grow up, stop being a baby and crying'. Thats the sort of attitude and mentality your bf seems to have and its not right.
Dont let anyone tell you to just 'get over it' and make you think that your problems arent real or important because they are! Its that sort of negative thinking that makes "small problems" lead to bigger ones because they dont get dealt with if you say its not a big deal.
I hope you find a way to work on your inseucurities for YOUR sake. good luck :) And hopefully the next guy you meet is much more sensitive and supportive, you deserve it.
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