A
female
age
41-50,
*otty
writes:my bfs ex constantly txts him at least 4x a week, i have looked through his phone on occasions because i'm convinced he still has feelings for her. He has tried to reassure me that they are not right for each other, but if this is the case why all the secrecy and why does he not tell me what she says? Over the wkend i went through his phone and got her number, i'm now tempted to txt her to ask her to back off because i get jealous of how close they used to be and how they keep in contact with each other. Every time i talk with my bf about their "friendship" effects me he gets angry with me, and yes before you say it i do have trust issues and i have mentioned this to him as well. Do you think i should txt her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): NO!!! Please dont text her, i think if you do she will then realise the power she has and she will do it all the more. Talk to your bloke and let him know that you dont like it and dont see she has to be in touch so much, if at all! Ask him to push her into the background. Then start acting the cool infront of him, i know it is so hard, but put on a brave face. If he see that you are not bothered then he may get the message and stop making the whole thing an issue. I hate exs, they have been the bain of my life in the past. It is something that you have to go through but without making too much of an issue of it.
take care and throw away her number.
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): He shouldn't be in contact with her end of, it's emotional betrayal. I have been through this myself and until he completely blocks her out of his life then your relationship will have no future. He knows it upsets you and if he cared about your emotional wellbeing and your relationship he wouldn't even dream of contacting her. So you give him an ultimatum either he stops or you're over. If he gets angry with you and says it's over, then you know that he didn't feel that deeply about you anyway...so you're better off without him. If you don't confront him and let him continue it will eat away your self esteem. i think some men like to keep their ex on a string, it's as though it's an ego boost and maybe he's got her on the back burner as he feels they have unfinished business together.... You have to take the bull by the horns on this one.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (23 October 2007):
 hi Hotty.
Because you have spoken to your bf, and he was angry with you then i believe it would be a bad idea to text her,this will not help the situation, the end result could be that he will leave you.
I do not blame you for having trust issue over him txt his ex, now he is with you, he should be loyal to you and only you, if he loves you he should show more loyalty towards you and not keep contacting his ex.
You must look in to your heart and decide what is best for you, if you believe that your relation ship is under to much strain because of this event,then you should consider if you want to carry on,if you decide to continue your relationship then you will have to put up with his contacting his ex.
the only way you can do is try to talk to your bf again if he reacts the same as before, then i would think it was time to find some one else,if you cannot communicate then that is a big problem to start with,he may not be able to make his mind up which of you he really loves, this is not a good situation to be in.
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A
male
reader, lanaguy  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 i think u should txt her and say to her that he has moved on with u now and tell her that she needs to back off him and let u and ur bf live ur life..the longer this happens the more problems it will make and it will make u loose alot of trust to the point where u will hurt and think twice about the relationship,and u dont want that..but whatevr u do do not tell her that u get jealous because all she will do is msg him even more..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): You said: "Every time i talk with my bf about their 'friendship' effects me he gets angry with me"
If you're constantly bothering him about it, of course he'll be secretive. He doesn't want you to get angry so he doesn't bring it up. Just remember that they broke up for a reason, and they're not together right now for a reason. It sounds like you have a very good boyfriend - he was able to break up with a girl from a serious relationship and still be able to remain close friends with her. That's something that doesn't happen often.
Don't even think about texting her. If he finds out - and he will - he will be very upset with you. Don't ruin his friendship. Like I said earlier, it's very rare to find a guy who can keep good relations with his ex.
I would suggest you gather a group of friends and go out together and see how he is with her. Does he treat her different than he'd treat another close friend? It's possible something could be going on, but don't take a risk by confronting her about it. He may not forgive you if you ruin his friendship with someone. Good luck.
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