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female
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*rincessnikki
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we love each other very much. Our sex life used to be amazing, well, i thought it was. We used to sleep together i'd say about 8-10 times a week. But recently, I bought myself a Rabbit. You see the thing is, i have never ever orgasmed with my boyfriend, and now I have this I just didnt want sex anymore. I didn't see the point. Anyway, he went on holiday and we slept together when he came back, once in 3 weeks. Then I went on holiday and had a bit of a traumatic experience. I was spiked over there with date rape. Luckily my friends realised when I stumbled over to them, but I still don't know where I stumbled over from, although i know I was with a guy. Most importantly i don't know what happened. I get home, and just want my boyfriend, but still, not for sex. I have been back since beginning of August adn we have slept together once. SO.... i decided to tell him I didn't enjoy it, but that I wanted to work together to make it better for the both of us. Well, he didnt take it very well and instead of agreeing with me like he usually does, he went the opposite way saying we would never have sex again. Now i don't know what to think. I want to have sex because we love each other, but only if we can do it my way. He is always calling me a brat. Am i being bratty of selfish?? Please help. I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): Put yourself in his shoes - what if he had said to you that basically you don't satisfy him and sex is boring and he'd prefer to use porn/sex toys!!!
Jesus - talk about lacking a sensitive side!!!
Don't be surprised if he ditches you - unless you are prepared to put this right with him, in a sensitive way to get to an end result that suits you both.
The other posts are right though, such negative feedback can be really damaging to the old self-esteem and you may have upset him too much to relax and have sex with you now cos he'll constantly be thinking that he's not good enough.
Sorry babe but I think you made your own bed on this one!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): You are being a little bit selfish as to use your own words you said "only if we can do it my way." Does it not matter what he thinks or what he would like?
You could have raised the issue in a much nicer way. He is probbaly feeling unworthy and not good enough for you, and is probably also hurt and angry.
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A
male
reader, gat +, writes (12 September 2006):
 It was probably really hard for him to take the fact that you said that you dont enjoy sex with him.....that can really hurt...a mans self esteem. It's probably be best to apologize to him and make some romantic dinner make up...and then go for it again. He'll give in just fine....
It's not all about sex as you know and if anything i think if you were both alot more open about it..or say experiemental, it'd be alot more enjoyable to you. Get selfish with what you want him to do (sex wise) but dont be selfish or hard on him because he cant give you what you want. At best kiss and make up as much as you can.....hope this helps.
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female
reader, Twiggygal +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I would definately say you are not being bratty or selfish.
But I would have to say that maybe your boyfriend's really hurt by this, that and his ego. Guys are sensitive to being good in the "bedroom" with the woman they love, and if they feel insulted just a bit, they can't handle it.
So he chose it sounds like to run from the problem, rather than figure out what you like in the bedroom.
I myself have had the same problem, but talking about what makes sex better for you would probably help the situation in the bedroom, if not liven things up a bit.
Trying new things or toys in the bedroom will always spice up your love life with your man, so find some things (or toys) that you like, and use them while in the bedroom.
I'm sure he wouldn't decline that offer, and may enjoy sex with you even more than you did when you first started dating.
Sincerely,
Twiggygal
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