A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my bf of 2 years broke up earlier this year and were apart fir a few months. during that time i was sleeping with someone, it was a rebound he was gorgeous and he made me feel good but there was nothing more to it. as soon as we got talking again, i cut off this guy and got back with my ex. i told him about the other guy because i couldnt have got back with him in case he ever found out. I told him id slept with someone and he reacted really badly. Its taken him ages to get used to the idea that i've been with someone other than him. I can#t tell him that it happened more than once because it would break his heart, and break everything we have.I love him so much hes everything to me. I can see myself marrying him and having his children and the only people that know it was more than once are my closest friends. the problem is, one of the girls who knew im no longer closer to and i cant help panicking that if it ever came up in conversation and it got out it would bring my world crashing down. this guy that i saw during the break up was just physical and nothing else and we both knew the score. it was fun, in secret and it ended as soon as my ex was back in the picture.Should I forget about what happened and get on with my life with him or does he need to know? Knowing that if i told him i would definitely lose him.Its eating away at me the more i fall in love with my boyfriend and the more i think about our future the more i worry.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): BTW - Saying "it was only physical" does not necessarily make it easier to accept. For a lot of men this would make it harder to deal with than if you said it was because you felt something for the other guy at the time.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 If you feel that this is the man for you well then I think you should come clean with him, if not you will always be on edge that he will find out. At the end of the day you never done anything wrong. You where single as was he and it was a rebound. Just explain that to him, tell him you where lonely and missing him and it meant nothing to you. If he chooses to throw away the relationship over it well then he would be silly to as you where broken up. You should always be truthful when it comes to things like this, because there is always the chance that it will come back to bite you and it is always best that he hears it from you and not a third party. Because it will ruin all trust in you if he hears it from someone else. Just explain you didn't know how to tell him because you knew it would hurt him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011):
What difference does it make if you slept with the guy once or twice or three times? I am a jealous type, but I don't see where it is more or less excusable based on frequency. I'd be pretty hurt either way and so was your boyfriend. Why did you tell him it was just once? You lied for no good reason, really, and now you are trapped in that lie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): tough one If I were him i'd rather know and have it straight. Honestly i've been in a situation where an ex had been telling porky's about what had gone on and found out later and the trust thing is so hard to repair once its gone. I'd tell him if i were you. Better to sit him down now and tell the truth it'll eat away at you too and he'll realise theres something wrong. If you love each other then yeah this may hurt you both for a while but you haven't cheated on him and you'll get through it!!
or you could risk it but If you have kids etc and he finds out after then he could leave meaning the kids are from a broken home and believe me there's a whole boat load of mess that'll come with that
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