A
female
age
36-40,
*ndiechickvikk
writes:I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years. we have spent everyday together over that time except a week over xmas.we never argue we are the best of friends and lovers we are so close. i have issues with my weight and i occasionally take it out on him by hitting him coz im angry and throwing stuff around room etc but then i appolgise and we make up. last tuesday i did it again and i jokingly said pack your bags as i was angry, then i left the house, then phoned him a few mins later and said sorry. he then phoned his brother to pick him up and he left with most of his stuff saying he would be pack in 2 days we just need a couple of days to cool down. now he text me saying i want to be alone for a while ' im not coming back' then this monday he said in a text 'i cant do this anymore i want to be alone, in staying in (somewhere) sorry'see on the wednesday after he left we were fine talking, then on the thursday he stoped texting and wont pick up the phone. im in turmoil i dunno what to do the love of my life has just cut me off after 2 1/2 years together everyday; any advice?
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male
reader, Playgroundcops  +, writes (22 June 2007):
You need help. Sorry for being blunt but physical violence should never be allowed in a relationship. If you have low self asteem and there's someone there for you, you should be happy and appreciate that.
Telling him to leave and not meaning it???? That's a game. Don't play games with your relationship. You may have just learned a very costly lesson.
Good luck to you in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): My advice is to move on with your life preferably by getting help with you anger problems. You had no right to strike him! Whether you meant it as a joke or not he finally realized he was in an abusive relationship. He did what he should have done the first time you hit him. Do not under any circumstances try to contact him! Count yourself fortunate that he hasn't pressed charges against you and use the pain that you now feel as a motivator to seek help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): You are going to have to tell him that you respect that he wants to be alone. You could say you are going to attend an anger management class (you must do this) and ask whether it will be OK to contact him in a couple of months. If you need to lose weight, do so. There is nothing stopping you, except you may need your anger so need to feel and be fat. If you had no more anger who would you be? Do you know? If he were hitting you people would be a lot less kind on him, than they have been on you. I am not sure you appreciate the damage this may have done to him as a person as well. Perhaps violence was used as punishment in your family when you were small. It may not be your fault that this has happened, but you can do something about it. Very good luck.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 Hi
Am sorry dear. I think your bf was just waiting for you to say it’s over. And that’s what u did unfortunately he was so glad u said it he couldn’t wait to start packing. Now that he is out of your way start building your self esteem you can’t physically abuse your boyfriend because you are not happy with the way you look. Joke or no joke but some of us like your bf don’t like violence.
Work on that first before you get into another relationship I don’t think anyone would like to take such blame. I know I don’t. And next time when you are angry don’t joke about something this serious. I mean u could have been joking but your beatings and throwing stuff behaviour was real to him he was feeling the pain and am sure your bf was really scared witnessing all your actions so hearing your words was a relief. Am sorry but u need to engage in anger management your behaviour was inexcusable.
Jovial
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): It's been harsh things he was told, that hurt his pride. "Then i apologise and we make up" sounds like a habit. If you're so impulsive and irascible, how did things evolve until now? Your excuses don't assure him the situations will not be repeatead, the quarrels might have had an impact on the intensity of... the feeling, on the credibility of a future in peace? It may be difficult if he has confessed this to others, what do you think they advised him to do?... If he gives you this chance, profit from it and repeat to yourself you have to be calm and serene not to lose what you gained back. Meanwhile I wouldn't insist too much but transmit a different image - tell him sincerely you want to change, but expect him to be hesitant. Think of the things that kept you together 2 1/2 years, and how you can bring them in the foreground, tell him that. It may not be an easy task.
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