A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this guy for the past 5 months, (please do not judge me), I have always been upfront with him and told him that I do not love him but cared about him.I have told him about my childhood abuse and previous bad relationships failures, some of them due to me or 50/50 blame on both sides for breakups.I have told him I am not ready for relationship and it is only fun.But he wants more and I cannot handle it.He left in January but then he contacted me and we saw each other.Due to my mood swings and perhaps my age I am not lovey dovey and not always effectionate and I also do not like spending the night with anyone due to medical condition of FMS.I have been totally honest with him and something happened recently and I have been really off cuddles and everything and gone into deep depression, and I really want to be left alone (has any of you suffered from severe depression), I am an insular person and stay at home 24 hours a day.He has been really kind to me in every way but I cannot offer him a loving relationship.Last night he came over, I was distant, so he left and as he was leaving he said that he never wanted to see me again and I should bin his things at my place.I said that was ok.then an hour later he sent me text asking if I wanted to talk about it.He sent me email today saying that he is in love with me despite my warnings of not to get involved with me.Then he sent another one asking me what do I want from him.I have been ignoring his calls and texts and emails as I think he made the right decision last night and he should move on.He is a wonderful person and I cannot do anything about my medical and mental condition.Please do not suggest counselling, done it and has not worked.How can I make him see that his decision to move on is the right one for him and not to contact me again.Am I right to ignore his calls or should I reply and say something.I think it is kind to be cruel is right, I married my husband whom I did not love as when I told him that I did not want him, he tried to kill himself so I married him.Which it ruined my life as later on I found out despite my sacrafice of giving up my job, home and giving birth to his son, he was alcoholic and abusive and he left me for a younger model.I do not wish to get involved with anyone specially if I do not have strong feelings for him.I may be taking out my anger of previous relationships on this person but I have told him that it is just fun and nothing else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): I think you really should give this man a chance.
It seems your pushing him away but maybe he makes you happy and you don't feel you deserve to be. Take a deep breathe and maybe ask him for a week or so to think things over. If you were certain you didn't want to be with him, I don't think you would have asked for advice.
This relationship doesn't have to be the same as all the others.
It could be a new chapter. You need someone to be there for you and you are allowed to be happy, get off your own case a bit.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 "I have told him about my childhood abuse and previous bad relationships failures, some of them due to me or 50/50 blame on both sides for breakups."
If it's only for fun, you shouldn't open up like that to him. So for the future: if it's just for fun don't let people get that close.
Continue to ignore him. You're not at all cruel, you gave him a fair warning and have been up front and honest. But people do fall in love, and when in love they have rose tinted glasses and think everything will work out as long as one loves one another. So he "forgets" that you don't want, and can't have, a relationship. Because he's in love. But you're doing the right thing by sticking to what you know is right for you and him.
Just keep ignoring him and don't give in.
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