A
female
age
41-50,
*illy_person
writes:I had a first date with a man the day before yesterday. It went very well as in we got along well, had lots of things in common. I was adamant that I would NOT sleep with him, completely certain but... several glasses of wine later and whoops, I did. I don't really know what to think now. I know it was wrong for lots of reasons, like he doesn't have to chase me now, he'll think I drop my knickers for anyone, etc etc. I would like to see him again but don't really know what to do now. Not sure what to say to him. He knows I wasn't really keen to have sex on an intellectual level, but the physical took over. He knows I would like to see him again and he said something about getting in touch to meet after work one evening. I've made a mistake here and there probably isn't too much hope for progressing into genuine dating but... does anyone have any advise? I can't turn back time but can I do anything to salvage things and just date him rather than this just be a one night stand?If he just wanted a one night stand, I suppose time will tell. But I don't want to make things worse by doing the wrong thing now.At the moment we've exchanged a few friendly text messages since, nothing else. Any helpful words appreciated. I already know I shouldn't have had sex with him so soon, lesson learned on that one!
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female
reader, silly_person +, writes (26 March 2013):
silly_person is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. Finding it hard to relax, finding it hard not to text him and not 'chase' him. I'll give it a few days and then time to give up I think. I think I got played :(
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Stop it. I had a guy marry me after sex on the first date.
he's contacting you... so RELAX
be relaxed
let him come to you and chase you.... don't apologize or bring it up unless he does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): All this talk about guys dropping you after you had sex with them too soon, is a BS for me. I had plenty of very different situations in life when I had sex with a man in a few months, or a few days, and it never ment anything whether they stay with you or not. I'm not at all for having sex on a first few dates, but again agree with OP when there is a heat of the moment there's so much you can do, especially with alcohol involved. I like sex, like all of us, and I couldn't help it at times, and frankly didn't want to. I was all in a moment, and never regretted doing it.I had sex with my future husband on a second date, now we are married for 15 years with kids. I had my big love for 5 years before him, that I had sex with on a first day I met him. I was dating a guy for 4 months trying to be a good girl, only for him sleeping with me twice and dropping me after. Of course you risk more by not knowing a person and sleeping with him, how can you possibly know what happens next, but also how do you know what happens next when you know someone for 6 months. I would advice not to stress too much about it, and see how it goes, and take it easy without any expectations,next time when it happens. It's all a learning experience, like our whole life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): Just play it normal. Get to know him. Don't get too clingy. Tell him very soon you want to be exclusive though. Hang out because you both want to, and be sure to give each other space. Be yourself, but most of all BE HONEST with everything all the time, no matter how big or little it is. My wife and I had sex even before our first date. We were out with a large group of people drinking after work, and were so completely attracted to each other we did it two times in the parking lot after the festivities ended. We knew basically nothing about each other except first and last names, and what we did for a living. We've been together five years, and have a two year old girl. We still love each other completely. MOST IMPORTANTLY, make sure there always is and always will be honesty up front about everything. (Note you don't have to, and shouldn't, tell things from the past that are 100% none of their concern or business) We both told a few stupid lies in the beginning, and were probably a little too open with each other about our pasts, which has made us occasionally question the other person's honesty and intentions about MAJOR issues in our relationship. Unfortunately, these are issues that could have been easily avoided if someone would have told us how especially important and delicate trust is in a relationship were you slept together before actually knowing each other. Just leave each others' past - before you had a life together - in the past and you will be fine.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Don't beat yourself up, we all make mistakes. You don't sound like someone who sleeps around at all. A few glasses of wine can be dangerous lol.Fingers crossed he will see past the sex and things will go further. Only time will tell...
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Focus more on getting to kno urself better n how u react to alcohol. I rarely drink it around women n while that may be boring I make damn good decisions cos of it. Its possible this can develop. Play it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): All is not lost. Although now you've slept together - you can not now go back to 'the chase' as that's done. I would be friendly and keep control, don't run after him. Take it slowly and keep yourself worth.
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A
female
reader, silly_person +, writes (25 March 2013):
silly_person is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYep I was stupid meeting up with him near my place but I 100% didn't think I'd end up doing that - I was just being a bit lazy cos I couldn't be bothered travelling that day, and was feeling a bit under the weather the day before when we were making arrangements. I thought it'd be just a few mid afternoon coffees, maybe supper if we clicked.I can see how it looks but I was so determined that I wouldn't have sex with him, and I felt like shit afterwards, really remorseful and couldn't sleep. It isn't my normal behaviour at all. This is why I felt quite safe meeting him in my area and having a few drinks - just got totally carried away, and wonder if it's worth telling him it's not my normal behaviour or just leave it? He works quite near me so if we meet up again I'll suggest meeting for lunch, or else meeting up in the evening in the middle of town, no where near either of us live. I get that I only have myself to blame, just wondering about damage limitation with this guy. I won't make the same mistake with anyone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): I'd say stop freaking out and see how it develops. Next time with him have a date somewhere less intimate and with no alcohol OP if you want anything more than a fuck buddy. I have a female friend who keeps making this mistake too, she says she needs one or two glasses of wine for the nerves but then can't stop and ends up in bed with them. She only has herself to blame though OP because you won't face the nerves or date without drinking and she becomes a horny fecker while drunk.
You're still contact in with him, so it's not like he just run off.
Play it cool, see what happens and don't make a big deal out of drunken sex. But seriously OP, no alcohol and only public dates for a little while now. You've opened those doors and made yourself seem like a source of easy sex. He may not think that of course but you need to be sure. The only you can is if he still wants to spend time with you knowing full well that sex is not going to happen.
I honestly don't get how someone who doesn't want sex will have a date somewhere that you can have sex and then add alcohol to the mix. Say what you want but I'm getting sex off you if you allow our date to be that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Just take him up on his offer to go on dates. If sex is brought up, tell him you want to slow things down a bit. Then you have to see if he will stick around. I have been in your situation and he stayed :) weve been together 5 years and are engaged. Ive also been in a situation where I dated the guy for awhile and when we decided to have sex he split right after. So IMHO, it depends on the guy. Hopefully he'll love you for you and stick around. :)
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