A
female
age
26-29,
*_LUV_MEExD
writes:Well im 14 and im going out with this boy and he is everything a girl can ask for and its like .... the worst part is wen i first met him i told him i wasnt a vigin ( which i really am) and now i think he dosent know what im waiting for its like i want to have sex, but im terrified to get preganant. im not scared to have sex im scared of what might happen afterwards. i know i know its better to wait till after ur married but we all know it dosent work like that, so be truthful and tell me what should i do. love, i_love_meexD Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, leylaness +, writes (26 January 2011):
 If weighting till marriage is something you want to do then do it no one will look down on your for it. From what i can tell sound a bit to young you dont know enough about contraception and you cant even be truthful with your partner. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of tell him the truth then if you do decided t go ahead with it he will be more understanding and will give you as much time as you need.
Talk to your parents or to a Doctor they will tell you about contraception and help you figure out the best thing for YOU!
Good luck xxx
A
female
reader, I_LUV_MEExD +, writes (24 January 2011):
I_LUV_MEExD is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thnx and i think i will wait he really is a nice guy though
i hope he understands :/
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Ok well lets set one thing straight - no-one is saying you must wait until you are married to have sex, often that is a bad idea because you would not find out if you were sexually compatible until its too late. So having sex before marriage CAN be a good thing, because you find out if you are good together in the bedroom before you take a massive committment and get married. Some people believe in no sex before marriage and that is fine, but it is also fine to have sex before marriage IF it is the right thing to do for that person.
BUT keep this in mind - having sex aged 14 is illegal, and if your boyfriend is any older than you he could get into a lot of trouble (he could even go to prison). So I would really advise you to wait until you are 16, when it is legal and you will be a bit more mature so you can handle the responsiblity of having sex.
So I think what you should do is come clean to your boyfriend that you are a virgin. Say you are sorry that you lied but you were nervous when you first met him and that you didnt want him to think differently of you because of your virginity. Telling the truth is the best thing to do - lies will always come back to haunt you so be honest with him.
I think if your boyfriend really likes you then he wont mind that you are a virgin, and if you are not ready (which clearly from your post you are not) then he will wait for you. This is a good test of your boyfriend's feelings for you - if he really likes you and respects you then he will happily wait until you are ready. However, if he is just using you for sex then he will keep pushing you for sex and wont take no for an answer.
You are right in being worried about what can happen after sex - there are lots of things that can happen and you need to be mature enough to either take responsiblity the outcomes, or be mature enough to do something about it to prevent anything happening. Lets look at them one by one:
1. Pregnancy. Now obviously being a teen mum is a very bad idea, so if you are thinking of having sex then you MUST be on birth control. So that means you would need to go to the doctors (you can go alone and they cannot tell your parents as they have to remain confidential) and then discuss what type of birth control is right for you. If you dont take birth control, then you are really putting yourself at a huge risk of getting pregnant and that is a situation you DO NOT want to be in aged 14.
2. Health. Now there are 2 main health issues with having sex - STD's, and as part of STD's - Cancer. It is widely known now that having sex from a young age (under 18) increases your risk of getting cervical cancer because of the virus HPV (a sexually transmitted virus). HPV comes in many many forms, some that are not transmitted sexually but there are some nasty strains that are sexually transmitted and causes genital warts and cervical cancer. As for the rest of the STD's - this can range from HIV/AIDS (this is manageable with drugs but is eventually fatal), herpes, genital crabs, chlamydia (which can make women infertile)....the list goes on and on. So you MUST use condoms when having sex to prevent STD's - condoms are the only way to prevent STD's, no other form of contraception can do this. You can buy condoms in supermarkets, chemists or doctors will give them out for free if you ask.
3. The emotional side of sex. This is something that doesnt get spoken about a lot - there are emotional consequences of having sex and they are quite strong. You will experience feelings you have never felt before for the person you have sex with, these will be very intense and you will feel a very strong connection to him. If your relationship is still fairly new and not secure enough just yet, then having sex will cause problems because you (as a female) experience different feelings after sex compared to the man (who does not get so emotionally attached). So basically, if you are not in love with each other yet and have not been together for a good few months, then you will be more likely to feel more for him than he does for you if you have sex, you will become insecure, needy and in turn this might put a strain on the relationship. So really waiting until you have been together AT LEAST 6 months and that you love, trust and respect each other is the only way to guarantee that you will have a good first time experience.
So there is a lot for you to think about! First of all, sex at your age is illegal and there could be consequences with the police. Secondly - talk to your boyfriend and be honest with him about your virginity. Third - if you are sure you want to have sex, then get birth control and condoms sorted out. Fourth - make sure you are emotionally and mentally prepared for the consequences of having sex.
Personally, I hope that you wait to have sex because you dont sound at all ready for this and I bet you have not been going out with your boyfriend for very long. Your first time should be special, but the only way to make sure it is special is to do it with someone you love, trust and feel comfortable around - and obviously to be protected against pregnancy and STD's. Being together for at least 6 months will make sure that this is really a special relationship where you care about each other, not just a quick relationship where all he wanted was to get into your pants.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): OK your clearly not ready yet to embark on a sexual relationship with your boyfiend at this moment in time.
I know you might of heard this a few times, but its better to wait if in doubt, don't feel pushed into anything.
Otherwise you will just end up regretting it.
The best thing to do is just come clean to your boyfriend and to be open with him. If he really cares for you, then waiting a while longer won't be a issue for him. But if he is all judgemental and nasty about it, then you know he is a loser and not wouth the bother.:)
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