A
female
age
41-50,
*oocutetobelonely
writes:My so called man and I have been together for over 7 years. For a couple months now he has been going out every single weekend. I have talked to him about this and it always leads to a fight. Like tonight, he's gone after fighting and when I said I'm tired of him not doing anything with me on the weekends and that I'm gonna leave him since he's not man enough to fix this relationship he yelled that he didn't want me. Twice. Why and what is it that makes him neglect me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, toocutetobelonely +, writes (19 July 2015):
toocutetobelonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, I guess I'm just confused, he says he loves me and cares about him but I don't believe him cuz he says different things, once again its Saturday he's out and I haven't gotten a single text or phone call since 5. I forgot to mention I have a 3 year old by him and am currently 6 months pregnant. I feel like a fat miserable lonely babysitter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): The situation I described in response to your post was with my partner of 28 years. He passed away with cancer. We worked out many of our problems together, and learned to be honest with each other. We were kind to each other. Doing so is vital, and sometimes difficult. That took years of practice, but the difference was...he wanted to. Now I'm with another great guy, and what I learned from before is being put into practice. It is making things a lot better. He makes it easy. He is an entirely different personality. Thank God I've changed. The time I was alone was used for working on me, and making myself happy. Giving and helping others.
I want people to reciprocate love willingly. That's how I judge how much they care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): To start with, telling a guy he's not "man enough" isn't really going to get you on his best side. If he was going out a lot without you, you should have asked him...why? Nagging and telling another adult what to do never encourages compromise. You're only seen as bossy and manipulative. Whining and complaining is annoying. It will make people want time away from you. Clinging and smothering also makes people pull away.
There are signs when a relationship has run it's course.
Most people prefer to hide in denial and not face the inevitable. We've all been there, including myself. My partner realized what we had was worth keeping; but I made it abundantly clear I wasn't sticking around long enough for him to mull it through his mind. Trouble in a relationship is an emergency. He got the point, and it worked out. I wouldn't have stayed if he didn't put forth the effort, and I wasn't going to beg him to do it. He proved to me he loved me by working with me. I asked him what I could do to make it better. He told me, and I listened. It wasn't about me...me...me. I did things that he wasn't happy with. He never told me he didn't want me.
If he had, that would have been it; and I would have left him. I really loved him, it would have taken all I had in me to do it. But I would have. You have to, if it isn't working.
Now lets add logic to this situation and perhaps you will draw your own reasonable conclusion. We often know what the OP is experiencing in a situation, but we don't get their mates side of the story. There are two sides. If your partner doesn't want to share his time with you, it could be because he feels caged or trapped; and have always wanted his freedom.
There are ways of keeping people in our lives, even when they want out. We can lay guilt-trips on them. Tangle them in our finances, play on their sympathies, or go over-board taking care of them. Some even threaten to harm themselves, or go nuts and cause trouble. So you get to keep your man, but you don't get what you want from him. He's there in body, but not his heart and soul.
You know he doesn't want you; because you admitted he isn't willing to workout the problems in your relationship. Could it be that he has given-up? It's not always about what you want and need from him. It goes two ways. If a person doesn't want to work to keep the relationship going, it goes without saying they don't want you. You've seen the signs but refused to accept them. You've worn out your welcome, yet hang-on in stubborn desperation.
So logically, if he's not man enough to work things out; and if he doesn't want you. Then the only sensible thing to do is end it. Take time off from being in a relationship for maintenance, healing, and growth. Then when you're ready, start dating again. Don't try to force people to do what they don't want to. Love has to come to you willingly, or it isn't love. If you have to beg for it, it isn't there.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 July 2015):
 The problem with ultimatums is that often they don't work out the way we want/hope/expect.
He has told you twice, and loudly, that he doesn't want you. Listen to him, as far as he is concerned the relationship is over. So, if it is your place pack up his stuff and tell him to take it with him, and if it is his place, pack your stuff up and move on out.
There is no sense in staying where you are not wanted, you will just stress more, and become more and more angry and frustrated, creating a bitter spiral to the bottom.
Gather together your dignity and do yourself a favour by recognising this relationship is as dead as a dodo.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2015):
 He had left the relationship a while back and has just been waiting for YOU to figure it out and leave him. THAT way... He isn't is the bad guy for ending it.
Sounds like you should stick to your guns AND leave.
Why waste more time on a man who doesn't really want you there?
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