A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:It seems as if my fiancé and my mother hate eachother... My mom is a rather judgmental person rather she will accept it or not. If someone does not act how she wants or finds best she doesn't like them. Well before my fiancé and i even started dating she first added him on Facebook she enjoyed him but as shes seen.more of his posts and how he'll swear she doesn't care for him. Ontop of he quit his job and now shes convinced hes a freeloader and no good and has said she dislikes him. My fiancé is rather mad at my mother for (this one is probably my blame) but i tell him what she says. Hes my fiance im not going to keep things from him. Ontop of my mom has borrowed over $300 from me knowing that's the money ive been saving to move out and into our own place. Putting us further behind when our hopes were to move by mid August. What do i do when neither of them care for eachother at all!?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 July 2015):
 It's one thing to not be honest with your boyfriend, it's quite another to hurt him by telling him negative things other people say about him. You're NOT doing him any favors by saying this. If you care for him then why are you telling him everything negative your mothers says about him? What you SHOULD be doing instead of breeding insecurity and conflict, is to stop letting your mother trash-talk your boyfriend in front of you. Walk away. Tell her you're not interested in hearing such things. Be an adult. You are only causing hurt if you go tell your boyfriend everything she's said about him. He know she doesn't like him, no need for him to hear all the things she says behind his back, that's just cruel. It will tear him down, and I can't emphasize enough how bad this is. You need to stop doing this right now. The only thing you accomplish by telling him what your mother says, is to be your mothers shouting piece and prolonged arm. She's tired of your boyfriend not working? So then what do you do, YOU start telling him how tired she is about him not working, and that only comes off as YOU being tired of him not working.
You also need to know that not all people will like each other. Accept this and move on. This isn't a bigger problem than that. Accept that they do not like one another, and forget about lovely movie-like family dinners. Wont happen, not now not ever. Just accept it, and move on, and your life will be so much easier.
Oh, and 300 bucks is not a serious set back in moving out, because living on your own costs by far more than 300 bucks. You need to get a job, both of you, if you want to live on your own. Otherwise you wont be able to pay monthly costs. Some saved up money will not last long, you absolutely need a steady income. That's what's holding you back from living on your own: lack of a steady income. Not a lack of these 300.
Now, you can do this, you just need to put your focus where it should be: getting yourself a steady income, and nurture, rather than tear down, your relationship with your boyfriend. Under no terms should you be your mothers prolonged arm (or mouth) and gossip to your boyfriend about what she's said behind his back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): If people you love don't like each other, there is nothing you can do but love them; and let them work things out between them.
Your mother is mother for life. Your fiance could decide to walk out on you.
So stay neutral, and be the peacekeeper. You still live under her roof. Let her know when she's being unfair, but think long and hard about why she's judging him in the first place. Too many young women fight with their mothers about being over-protective or meddling. That's what mothers do. Wait and see! You may be a mom someday.
I urge you to listen. Don't be stupid! It hurts like hell when you find out later she was right all along!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): Your situation indicates dysfunction. Your fiance quit his job when he is engaged to be married? You can't even afford to live together; and you were setback financially by only $300.00 your mother borrowed from you? Your mother has invested a lot more than that bringing you up, and supporting you. Are you implying she has no right to borrow money from you, when you both share the same home? You're using her to save money. Remember?
Seriously?!!
I don't know about your mother; but I think you're too young, and neither of you are ready for marriage. You're starting out with financial instability. One of the main reasons marriages don't work out.
Your mother sees what you refuse to see. She is being your protector. She has a right to judge in protection of her child. She has experience. She has been there and done that.
She also has a right to dislike him and let him know it; if she feels she has reason and justification. She sees what you won't see, while you're in-love with being in-love. If he was really ready to take such a big step, he would have stuck it out with his job; or had another one waiting before he left it. That is a major sign he lacks common-sense.
You don't say what she saw on Facebook, because you want everyone to gang-up on the lady who gave you life, and is currently providing you shelter. It gives her a right to interfere with your life, until you're out on your own.
You're old enough to make your own decisions; but obviously not prepared to live on your own. To tell you the truth, you would be better prepared for life; if you have lived out in the world by yourself first. Learning how to survive and be independent. Then decide to get married. That way, you don't grow dependent on someone else (or become their caretaker); instead, you become partners and equals. I trust your mother's "judgement" over yours. You might benefit by listening to her.
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