A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend, for starters. And everyone knows about him. I was friends with one of my colleagues and I thought he was a really nice guy. We spent lots of time together and slowly, I developed a huge crush on him. I went totally out of my way to help him in very many ways. I guess he already knew how I felt but one night, after a few drinks, I confided in him that I "used to" have a crush on him and asked him whether we could remain friends in spite of that. He said it wouldn't make any difference at all and everything was fine. I also told my boyfriend about my temporary crush and he understood.All of a sudden, this colleague has turned very nasty and has been putting me down in public, making rude remarks and basically making me extremely uncomfortable. I have tried to ignore his rudeness but it just gets worse day by day. It hurts me ever so much. I've been crying myself to sleep for the past one week and I'm terribly depressed. I can barely concentrate on my work and I think of him all the time and wonder what wen wrong...Please help me move on. I can't handle the pain.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Well NOW you know that he's NOT a nice person. He's not worth your crushing on him... he's a louse... his personality is mean and ugly
this should help you get over him.... once you are past the infatuation, the rest will easily fall into place.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2013):
 Don't let him see that he has an effect on you. The more you distance yourself and pretend he just doesn't phase you to sooner he will stop ( I would think). IF he KNOWS he has an effect on you he will continue.
And yes, please stop beating yourself up. HE ISN'T WORTH IT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I have really gone insane. I am sort of obsessing over him in the sense that I keep wanting to get back at him for humiliating me but the moment I spot him, I run away because my knees turn to jelly. I think all sorts of horrible thoughts about him but nothing ever translates into action because my heart flutters when I see him and I want to be friends again with him so badly. I am such a fucking idiot. Thankfully, my boyfriend is helping me through this as much as he can. Thank you for your responses. I just hate the fact that we are colleagues and I cannot completely avoid seeing him. I was certainly an idiot to get drunk and tell him how I felt about him. That was the worst thing I ever did.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 November 2013):
 Stop beating your self up. I would simply make light of his rudeness and also go to the extent of saying makes me appreciate the wonderful boyfriend I have even more, at least he knows how to treat a woman with respect. Say it laughing and in a joke. He will get the message and realise that his rudeness does not phase you. Don't ever show him that his words are hurting you, laugh it off, he will eventually give up
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 November 2013):
Well, now you know that he ISN'T a friend. He is mad because you USED to have a crush, which means you no longer have one. THAT hurt his pride so now he is out to hurt you.
What did you hope to accomplish by telling him you HAD a crush on him?
What you do is IGNORE him as much as you can. No extra favors work-wise or other wise. Don't talk to him unless it's about work, no more helping him. NADA (nothing). Treat him like you would a hostile co-worker (because that is what he is).
STOP beating yourself up.
In my opinion people who hold crushes they do NOT intend on carrying out need to NOT tell their crush how they feel or how they felt, IT DOES NOTHING good for anyone.
So learn from this, if you have a crush on someone and you are NOT single, they are not single - then KEEP it to yourself. IT IS A CRUSH nothing more.
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A
female
reader, tendersmile  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 Look its time this guy needs to be taught a lesson. He has proved that he definitely has a very low mentality. You should not embarrace yourself by tolerating such nasty behaviour and teach him a lesson the next time he tries to humiliate you. Remember not standing up for yourself will do a lot of damage to your mind and personality and you will not be able to forgive your self if you allow this person one more time to depress you. Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): time to treat him as ugly as he treats u. He is certainly a very low kind and he should be treated like one too
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