A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi,i've been dating a guy for the past nine months and we get on well, both love each other but every other month our work patterns go out of sync for a month and then return into sync again because his shifts fall back in line with my weekends off work. So for this reason we havent slept together for just over a month until the other night. So the last time we slept together a month ago, we knew it was our last weekend together for a while but he didn't want to have sex with me. Then the other night, our first night back together for the last 6 weeks was the same, we havent had sex now for 7 weeks!When he's working and we dont see much of each other we chat alot on skype at night.He often has a sexual banter with me and occasionally shows be some porn sites which he watches to stimulate himself. We chatted on skype just over a month ago and he was showing me lots and lots of different porn which I didnt know what to say about in the end.The next day he phoned and said to just humour him as he was just fantasizing, which i was doing anyway.But we havent had sex since then - 7 weeks ago.Also he has stopped having any sexual banter with me.I tried mentioning our lack of intimacy on skype last weekend, trying to find ways of solving it but he ended up ignoring me the next 3 days or being quite cool with me, saying he doesn't moan about things he can't change and I shouldnt either.I pointed out that i wasnt moaning but trying to be constructive and letting him know i missed him. It really upset me being ignored or cold shouldered and i felt quite depressed. Then the other night he stayed with me for the first time in 6 weeks, but we didnt have sex again. Was i wrong for pointing out that I missed being intimate with him? He only lives 10 mins away but he won't go to bed with me unless he's sleeping here which seems to only happen about 6 times every two months. but his desire for me seems to have dwindled right down even though he has an unusually high libido.I feel he's going off me because i showed not much interest in his porn fantasies and also because i was trying to tell him my feelings about our lack of intimacy lately.. any thoughts about this??? Am I really supposed to tow the line and not mention our lack of intimacy cos it's considered moaning?Is it ok for someone who says he loves me to cold shoulder me and ignore my texts and calls for a few days? or not?Any opinions would be welcomeThank you for reading this x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): thanks for answering, i should say that we usually see each other around 3 times a week but i have been unwell for a fortnight recently with flu.. over it now though, but he wouldnt see me during that time in case he caught it. also he wont risk going to bed unless he's sleeping over because my 16 yr old son is usually around.
but you are right, he is addicted to porn i think.
I managed to speak to him properly this weekend and he reckons we'll get back to normal now his work pattern is falling back in line with mine, he won't stay overnight while he is working because he says he likes to be around his own things and have his own routine because he works 12 hr shifts.
I am seriously considering ending this relationship as i dont think it is going anywhere and he seems to call all the shots.
anyway thanks again for answering :)
A
female
reader, Ngyzee  +, writes (17 April 2011):
To be honest with u, wat u two have is rather strange. From wat u said, it doesnt seem as if u both are dating, u're not spending quality time together, he's not into u, but u're into him. Seriously dat guy doesnt know wat he wants. Pls help urself, by dating a real man who wants something meaningful out of ur relationship. Cheers.
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A
male
reader, YoshQ  +, writes (17 April 2011):
Sounds like he either is becoming addicted to porn and masturbates quite frequently, or is getting it from someone else. Figure out what the problem is, and he has no excuse to not talk to you when you're trying to work out your problems.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Hi there. I think you may be in some form of denial about being in a relationship and/or dating this man. Maybe you are actually dating him but be honest with yourself and ask yourself if it's ever really progressed into anything.
If he has a high libido and you don't see each other much, you have to know he is with other women.
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