A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry its so long...Just so hurt still, im not a perfect person at all BUT I went above and beyond in giving of myself in this relationship.We have been together for 5 1/2 years. I have been their for him emotionally, financially, maintained a very healthy daily sex life through the years. I made sure too keep fit and to look attractive and sexy for him.(and for me) Also I have nursed him back to health after a few surgeries due to his motocross riding. All this along with dealing with my own kids, job and helping him out with his own kids (all from previous marriages). He has been back and forth on the issues of commitment during these years. I have been dealing with this also. Loved and accepted him for who he his. Remained his best friend through all the ups and down. This is just a little background info. I won't bore you with more.I was wondering if I overreacted to my NOW X-Boyfriend's statement he made the other day.It started out in coversation about why men love/attracted to other women. We conversed on this topic a bit. Until he brought up an old girlfriend from over 5 years ago. He saw her for only 2 months. Right before he met me. She left and went away. He said thats why he loved her then because she made him feel so loved/supported by things she would say to him, and he always remembered that. (her name has been brought up before here and there) Also he told me he called her for her B-Day 2 weeks ago (after years of no contact) he was just curious??? (he found out shes married now by the way) After hearing this, I was kinda upset. He thought I was making too much out of it. I though it was a slap in the face. I felt the compliment should have been directed to me. Yesterday I left him. Emailed him, told him I need space. He needs to go find someone to make him complete. Maybe we can be friends after some time apart. Did I do the right thing?Did I overreact?Should I keep him in mind as a friend? Help?
View related questions:
best friend, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): You did good, that was very disrespectful of him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): You overreacted.
You didn't listen to what he was saying. I am sure he was saying that he may not feel loved, appreciated, that he mattered and that this woman, for two months (yes anyone can be miss wonderful for two months...so come on) made him feel that he mattered.
Yes it would hurt and I am sure he did not intend to hurt you. He may even feel like an ass over it.
I am going to recommend a book that I find an absolute relationship saver. It gives a good understanding of why men think how they do and why they act like they do as well as why women feel like they do and think and act like they do. I think you will relate to this book.
It's John Gray's Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus-The Classic Guide To Understanding the Opposite Sex.
Read it and see what was really going on here.
You let your insecurities and fears get the better of you and you made a decision that was emotion based and didn't think it through. Hard for us women, I know.
Get the book, read it and then figure out what it is you want. Be prepared to do your part to change for the better and with it be more loving and understanding. This doesn't necessarily mean do more or give more.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 I'm a man and often we do not understand women :-), but I think I can help.You said it already: you feel he does not appreciate all you have done for him, which is pretty much, I must say. Maybe you feel that he should not remember someone who was with him for only two months, and he should think about someone who's been with him for five years and has helped him so much. I see your point and I share it. If the other girl deserves his gratitude for that, then you deserve a lot more than gratitude.I'm not sure why he called her for her birthday, but it might mean something. Since he mentions her sometimes, maybe he keeps thinking about her.It's not the calling or his mentioning her that worries me, though. You mention he's been back and forth regarding commitment. After five and a half years and all the things you've done for him, he should have no doubts about committing to you. Obviously you do love him. He may not find the ideal partner in you (though you do sound like the one woman every man needs to find), or then he may; but he cannot stay in between. I guess this is the real problem here. He should have committed to you by now, or he should have left you, and he has done neither. This issue of his calling her is only the necessary trigger for you to bring the subject to his attention.I think you should talk to him and make plans to meet somewhere, face to face. Then, speak up your mind. He will have to respond.Was it you who concluded he needs to find someone else? In Spanish, we have a saying: nobody knows what he has until he loses it. Maybe this separation has given him time to count his many blessings.I don't think you could be friends. You obviously love him, and friendship would be very painful to you. And, I feel it would also be like snubbing at your love. Someone who gives as much as you do does not deserve less than committed love. I do think that you can part in civil terms, though.Should he not appreciate you as you deserve, you'll go through very hard times. Don't despair, though.Good luck.
...............................
|
