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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in love with the most amazing guy in the world, he is what made me realize what love actually is. He is now currently in the USMC and will be gone for about 3 more years. Me and him have never actually dated, but weve been very close and have had intimate moments together. I'm also close with his mother and we talk all the time. Whenever he comes home to visit I'm always at the airport waiting for him. I drove 15 hours to North Carolina to visit him for a weekend while he was in infantry training. He knows I love him. I have told him before and never really got a reaction. His mother says that it scared him, that he didn't know what to do. I know he feels for me, but I don't know how much more I can do to prove to him that I am the one for him. I've told him numerous times I would wait for him when hes gone. There is no other man I've met or no that makes me feel the way he does... and he can pull this off being that far away. I want this to happen before he leaves overseas next June, and I'll still be here alone stuck with "what if's" in my head. I don't kow what to do. I need him. I need to show him I'm always going to be here and that no one will love him as much I do... helpsincerely.... hopeful Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005): You need some blunt advice. Stop chasing him down, girl. You are creeping him out with the way you seem so obssessive with him! Stop doing that. You are driving him away and scaring the "bejesus out of him". First of all get a grip on yourself. He is not the last man in the world. You're smothering the hell out of him. You're not giving this man the room to even miss you, instead you're telling him what he already thinks and feels, that you're too clingy, you're too available and that is unattractive to men. I know you're hurt, he knows you're hurt. Men want to win the prize (you)..they love pursuing..the chase.
You sound to me like you have some self esteem/insecurity issues. You need to work on you and let this guy go. Sure grieve, but stop chasing him. It isn't healthy and he has already shown you what chasing him does for him. Start new hobbies, workout, go out with friends, eat well, and get plenty of rest. The other best thing you could try for yourself is a journal. If you can get this "love obssession" under control..go get some counseling and work it out with a trained professional who can tell you what you are doing to this guy...is very wrong and unhealthy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2005): Also, if he's served in the Middle East, he's seen a lot of things most people can't even imagine. And it changes people.
From what you've written, you've been totally available and are even reaching out to him. Continue to write and email, and wait and see if he asks you to come meet him when he returns to NC. It sounds like he may have never been serious about a girl, if his mom says the fact that you love him scares him. Give him some time, and keep in touch.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (7 August 2005):
 What ever you do calm yourself down. That is if you ever want to have a chance with him. You come on too strong and you will not only waste your beautiful years, but become a very bad memory to boot.
If you want this guy, HE MUST COME TO YOU. So date, don't wait. Show him you are interested by stopping by when he is home for a bit. But even then, wait a bit. If he is home two weeks, go over on the second or third day. Act casual, and leave about 1 hour before you want to.
Men are not like us. They scare easy and feel smothered if you don't seem to be busy fending off other guys. So pine away secretely and realize that you are objectifying him which to him means you don't care to be real, you don't know him that well and you are crazy to waste your life away on someone who may or may not be the same guy you don't even know yet.
Play it coo. Besides, you can never tell anyone how to feel. He decides if he wants you. It is controlling and unattractive if you force your self on him to force feed him your unreasonable expectations and fantasy of him.
Trust me, no human is all that great and no matter how you feel in the beginning, eventually, you will question your own reasoning and "fall" out of love with the man you do end up with. Why?
Because the act of falling implys it is an uncontrollable state that happens without you having to do anything, let alone sacrifice. That is because real love is realistic and based on real life where both of you begin by trying to have your needs met and to ensure you are loved perfectly while you are critically looking for any flaw in the other. Of course you eventually will find it and then all the fluffy lies you told yourself will feel like betrayals instead. How dare he imply he was Gods gift to me! He will be thinking the same thing...
The one is the one only after the fall from grace happend and you still can't imagine life without him. It is not possible to know if anyone is the one until many years and trials are faced and you both still are on the same page and crazy in love.
So welcome to life trial number one. . . Love hurts for a reason, but eventually it all becomes more clear and worth the effort.
Good luck, you will get through this I promise and when you do come back and share your wisdom!
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